Wow. At first, I was thinking 'Oh god. This is going to be another cliche poem with boring rhymes and horrible ideas.' And then I read it through and I was totally mistaken.

[{They} way it worked before]
Correction: {The} Just thought I'd point that out. =P

The rhymes, as I thought at first, seemed a little forced in the beginning, but soon became readable. But, I liked the rhymes you used at the beginning better than the ones you used half way through to the end. The ones from the middle onto the end seemed cliche to me, but people may have different perspectives.

The flow seemed good for the most part, except for at the very beginning. You seemed like you were trying to rhyme to much, instead of thinking about the flow. Don't try to force your rhymes. Just let the words flow.

The story itself was rather well done. It was not cliche at all, and I actually liked it. Even though it was about self harm. And I hope you don't self harm. It brings a burden upon yourself, and it's a horrible burden to carry for the rest of your life. =) Well done. 5/5 xoxo

Samantha

I loved this!
I thought the wording and imagery were astounding and I enjoyed the rhyme scheme muchly.
I thought the flow was a little off in a couple of places, but apart from that you did a wonderful job.

Um...Just wow. That's all I can think of to say right now. This poem was so wonderfully written and the story it told was great as well. everything flowed beautifully! Keep up the amazing work.
5/5*

I think your poem was really good!!! it was really sad too keep up the good work!!!

Its very good

Becca,
Great job on your poem. The flow was great as was the rhyme. Great word choices. The story you told kept my intrest till the end. Take Care Cindy

Amazingly well written! great job! gr8 flow!

* wow the message was really strong in this poem. way to fight an addiction!!! woot!
The perfect remedy
For temporarily insane
---i thinkit should be "For temporary insanity." i think it sounds better

please read: All the World's A Painting, Despite the Flaws, RUMORS, Beyond Insanity.

Please and Thank you.

I did not see any problems to correct or any type-os at all. All I saw was great work! Keep it up this was a very wonderful sad and in a way inspirational poem. God Bless 5/5

Holy moly!! i really like the poem. its so good. i really really really like the last line in....

it did her little harm
But freed her of the pain
The perfect remedy
For temporarily insane

such a good line! lol. i love you

I love poems that have stories in them, this one is great, give it a 5/5!!! keep it up!!!

I think that it's a very well done poem. I don't believe so much in God anymore. I did like the poem and think that it really expressed a second chance.

I liked the moral behind the story and think that it portrayed a second chance something that isn't ever given in this life.

I think that I'm going to keep my eye on you. Your a very good writer.

That was awesome possum! Loved it

Awee thats such a cutee poem! great work!keep up the good work becca!
and comment nack if u get a chance

I really liked this poem It made me want to keep reading it if that makes sense. The end could have been a little better but still 5/5 for sure!

"They way they did before"

I would take a y out of that first word.

"let her happiness begun"

you use two tenses. It is just a little different and doesnt really make sense to me.

But in all I reaaaaaaalllly enjoyed this read. Everyone makes those little mistakes, and of coarse i am always the one to point them out. lol, yea i love how they all rhymed together with the first and last lines, or somewhere around that, but in the beginning there were a couple of stanzas that seemed a little off and out of place. The flow was great though and it is very unique. Therefore awesome!!! I love your poems! and sorry for commenting the wrong one before. (i didnt realize that people had posted what they wanted) lol
well thanks

~skittz

Another fantastic one, i think all your poems should be in a contest

Interesting. A few grammatical errors, however.. I'd reread it and fix those. Otherwise, it was very cliche, and a little iffy in places, but not bad over all.

xTheEcstasyOfSuicidex 5.5