You have great wording, but it's all pushed together.
Try setting a limit on the amount of syllables in each line, therefore it creates a better flow.
Creating stanzas makes it easier to read and comprehend.
Capitalization, and punctuation have a lot to do with the flow as well. So, work on that.

Example:
My Favorite lines..
' a mono toned thrumming resounding in my head, as i sink into the river bed.
and let the manifestos of men in suits cascade over me.'

A mono toned thrumming
resounding in my head,
as I sink into the rvier bed
and, let the manifestos of men
in suits cascade over me.
^ That makes the flow a lot better. And, the punctuation and such help a lot.

I really liked this poem, it has so much potiental.
I think it needs work; flow, grammar and such.
But, it's quite amazing.

5/5

I enjoyed this work. I could relate to parts of it. It is one of those that I think a lot of people would reject as just being random disconnected thoughts but it actually has a lot of meaning. "when will i be free from this masquerade ?" - For me that line was the key to the work. Thing with poetry is everyone can interpret it differently so what I see might not actually be there. P.s. Unlike Teria I liked the way your poem wasn't broken up. Just a different style, poetry doesn't have to be broken up.

I do agree about your words and sentences being run together, but it works for the flow you were shooting for. You had me on my toes the whole way through. You had me interrested in every word, excited about the next sentence, and that hun is how a true poet should be. That's how all poetry should be. Your poem is unique, and I've never read any other poems like it. I only hope that every reads this poem and learns a lot from it. You keep writing, for your soul and personality is to unique and pure to waste. 5/5

-Liz-
~muahs to all~

Kinda hard to keep up with. Not really a poem. Lol. More like a short story. But I kinda thought it was cute. God Bless 5/5
<3Tayy

Kinda hard to keep up with. Not really a poem. Lol. More like a short story. But I kinda thought it was cute. God Bless 5/5
<3Tayy

Wonderful, so full of emotion, great job!
I thought it was great, but I think if you put it in a neater structure it will look more appealing to read. But it's worth the read!! great job!!

Alissa

God i like this poem....... many times that s how i felt.......... great job

It is a great poem, and I agree with the others that it would be even better if it had stanzas... It just makes the flow much nicer... I couldn't catch the meaning either but it sounded great...I'm sure it has a meaning to you and that is what matters!!!

Lovely write :D
this was such a different poem from what im accustomed to reading. i quite enjoyed it love. i give it my complete absolute adoration. i was captured and affixiated on this even from the very beginning. keep up the great work love. 5/5.

Nice poem but i did not get the flow and the title did not suit the poem to me.

...Not something that I'm interested in but it suits this piece. At times it almost feels to ramble yet not. It's sort of like disorganized organization-go figure-but overall I like the impression it makes. Some of the images that come to mind seem to lend to that rambling aspect but at the same time go well with the rest. Not a fave but it reveals an interesting way of using images and flow.
~Faith-less

WOW. That is fantastic writing. I LOVE IT!!!! Absolutely awesome!!!!

Josie
PS. Thanks for your comments on mine... Appreciate it.

This poem is really good.
The flow was pretty nice.
You did a great job.
5/5
take care.

~Chelsea

It was kind of run togather. But it works for this poem. You showed a lot of talent in your word chioce and it was beautifully written5/5

It took me a while to understand but i think i got a hold of it. the flow was a little weird and it seemed as if it was all run togther. but its a good poem. well written. nicely done... and thank you for the comment.

Hey I loved this poem!

And I love the way that you write, who says poetry has to be in stanzas in a certain format? then everyone just following a template right?

I think it was very effective the way that the lines got shorter at the end.

Well done!

One of those poems which are different from what you think when you look at the title. i especially liked the inner soundtrack part.

your servant:
david

I like this poem! its very unique! good job tom! I'll give it a 5/5!

Wow amazing.. I love how you tend to use metaphores for everything but it dosent sound overdone, the words are amazing. You have a real tallent. I loved the last few lines. Thanx for requesting this poem, it truely is great and one of my favorites now.

Hmm theres no wondr'ng why some readers are impress coz i can see its really nice and actually from the start it seems really so interesting.. good story poem.... and one word all i can say is WONDERFUL....