Wow, this poem just touched my heart, how nicely you described something that exactly i can relate to............... I like the use of the word (A LIE) how it can destroy many things.........including friendship, love and far behind.
truly a well deserved 5/5 poem........ you are very talented.
Ooh, this was very intense and a little confusing. The flow was pretty good as were your descriptions. The emotion was very strong and that really shone through in the poem. Although not all of the rhymes worked perfectly they were pretty good. Nicely done hun. 4/5
*awesome poem! loved it, i can relate so closely and i really admire how you connected with me!! thank u for posting, and thanks for asking me to comment or i would never have read it!! xxx
11 years ago
You did a very good job of writing this poem, and i think alot of people can relate to the story that you tell in it. The fact that you told the story with such a steady rythm and a simple yet enjoyable rhyming scheme makes it all the better. Great job hun. loved it alot =)
Technically speaking, I find it hard to read. The flow was rather unsteady as I stumbled on several lines and stanzas. Stanza 2 seems to be misplaced, and should be transferred in the latter part of the poem.
On the whole, this was a fine piece of work. [Once enhanced and improved, the better.] I believe this piece can correlate with people's experiences. So do the people who have "broken friendships." Reading this makes me want to shudder, it's traumatically horrid to remember some of my memories...
Well done upon writing this poem. Good job.
Keep on writing what you feel and like. all the best and take care.
This poem delivered a lot of emotion, while my guess is it was good therapy for you to get this of your chest so to speak. The quotes made it seem more real. Some readers have a problem with redundant â€œandsâ€ and they are easily replaced by more imaginative words like â€œwhile â€œand â€œasâ€ but that is the authors choice. All in all, the poem flowed nicely and got the point across