The whole message and idea of this was good. I feel it could maybe do with a touch of editing and condensing, as some parts seemed repeated or dragged out.
The very beginning lines and the ending few lines were very strong.
I think use of punctuation and capital letters could be improved. There is a lack of capital letters, and you DON'T have to have punctuation at the end of every line....only where it's needed.
Thanks for sharing.

I think I would have preferred this if it was put into stanzas - but that's just me.

PLEASE capitalise when you're typing 'I' or 'I'm'; you appeared to do it sometimes, and then other times you didn't. It makes your work look much more sophisticated if you do.

Overall, the poem was good. I really, really liked the line, "Remember to breathe, while you're still alive," - excellent.

You are reaaaaaaally pretty :-).

^cough. what an outrageous lie.

LOL@ALL THE COMPLAINTS ABOUT YOUR NON CAPITALISED I'S.

I don't know what anyone else says but I believe this is one of your best works. I really enjoyed it and for some reason the message itself really got me...great job ^_^

*^*crow*^*

A really amazing write, my only criticism is the repitition seemed to take something away, not add anything.
other than that flawless... your fluency was outstanding, what i like the most is the realistic way you tell the poem.

Go lookit my poems. you'll see the title.