Comments : Fade Away

  • 16 years ago

    by ASPHYXIATED

    I really liked this one.
    The idea of just fading away sometimes seems so perfect.

    "Smaller and smaller [the] lighter I get,
    my eyes can't see and my mind [won't] fret."

    I thought here in the first line the repetition of "and" put off the flow so if you replaced it with "the" it still makes sense and flows fine.
    I also thought the same with "cant" and "wont" :]

    "Where there was [flesh] there will be none.
    And I shall float off into the sun."

    I think flesh gets your point more clearly across than fat.

    "No feelings to handle and no poisonous breath,
    no falling through madness and inevitable death[.]"

    That ^^ was my favourite stanza. Well done=)

    "No chance to fall, nowhere to fail
    Just fading silently, up and away."

    I think because the rest of the poem had a steady flow you shouldve tried to keep that flow untill the end.
    Instead of changing at the end.

    Good work. :o]

  • 16 years ago

    by Dead Inside

    Simply beautifull. I love it! It kinda describes how i feel right now. :( Keep on writing.

    cesar

  • 16 years ago

    by ~me~

    Polly thats amazing seriously
    double meaning as in ana mia and ash
    mabey i dont no just thoughts
    polly i loved it
    mwah i love you

  • 15 years ago

    by Finalgravedigger

    I actually believe that the light is our downfall sometimes lol but nice poem. I can somewhat yet relate to the feeling.

  • 15 years ago

    by Sourav

    Nice poem to me. Very well written. Enjoyed it!