Comments : Losing Control

  • 16 years ago

    by KeyxMashingxParody

    Very good, flow was off at times, but still 5/5.
    How about "Losing Control" for a title?

    -Liz-
    ~of life to live*

  • 16 years ago

    by Independence Forever

    A strong and powerful poem derived from deep feelings. excellent.

    your servant:
    david

  • 16 years ago

    by Marie

    I agree.. losing control, lost control.. somewhere in that area would be good.. great poem btw

  • 16 years ago

    by Corruption

    This is awesome i have no idea for a title sry but im sure when you come uip with one it will suit this poem perfectly good job

    keenan

  • 16 years ago

    by Kaila

    Hmm how about healed or confusion im not quite sure anyways this poem was pretty good I can tell what you were trying to say by this poem but the flow and rhythm was a tad off but that is easily fixed nicely done

  • 16 years ago

    by Wallace

    A very sad poem, i enjoyed it, i always believed that sad poems were the best and you reminded me that. And for a name of it, i thought it talked about feelings so you can try that.

    Best Wishes
    Wallace

  • 16 years ago

    by The Queen of Spades

    What a great write! It's so hard for me sometimes to title my own poems, I could never title anyone else's lol. But a great poem, definitely one of my favorites of yours. Keep up the great work! 5/5

    ~jas~

  • 16 years ago

    by IdTakeABulletForYou

    Confusion and betrayal, is what I find = "confusion and betrayal-- it is what I find"
    (flow)

    control of yourself again. = control of yourself, again.
    (grammatical err)

    pain, are the = pain are the (no comma... doesn't belong)

    but all that ends tonight.= but all of that will end tonight.
    (Flow)

    This poem seems as if you hurried to finish it... it didn't seem like you put enough time into it. The second to last verse and the last verse are total opposites. It seems like a few emitted verses belong somewhere between those two. Otherwise, an OK poem, not the best poem. You need to work on syllabication.

    Good job though.

    5/5
    ~Stephen White

  • 16 years ago

    by Marc Ortiz

    Aww it's so sad.. how about "Despair" for the title? Anyway its just a suggestion the flow of the poem is a little bit off at some lines but good job on this poem! I enjoyed this one!

    TC

  • 16 years ago

    by BeautifulxMess

    Loathing and hate
    ^They both mean the same thing, try to using a word that fits the other one. Using different words throws the poem off a bit.

    The poem's flow was a bit shaky. Try and have the same amount of syllables as possible in each line of each stanza. And keep your stanza the same lenth. Usualyl that will help the flow. The rhyme seemed a little forced in some areas.

    Other than all that. The poem was really good. Nice sad poem. God Bless 4/5
    <3tay(^__^)

  • 16 years ago

    by Italian Stallion

    Well written, although the lines in the stanzas are quiet long, perhaps break them up a bit, where the 's are. The flow was ok, needs some work here and there as well as the structure as I explained why above, but over all it was well written.

    Peace, Joe

  • 16 years ago

    by Teria

    I really liked this poem, it was a great write. The flow was a bit off due to the longer lines in the last three stanzas. But, all in all it was a great poem. I liked it; easily related to.
    5/5

  • 16 years ago

    by Goran Rahim

    Another great one.
    i really like your vocab use in this one,
    you are so talented. keep it up
    a 5/5 from me as you really deserve it.

  • 16 years ago

    by xxSnow Angelxx

    This 1 is beautifully penned!...loved your choice of words..n u deserve a 5/5 frm me...kp up de good wrk!...
    xxPoojaxx

  • 16 years ago

    by lizzle

    Dude this is a great poem!!!its well written and has alot of emotion!5/5
    -lisa =))

  • 16 years ago

    by Chrissie

    This poem was so beautiful. And very well written. I could relate to it aswell, which made it even more of a special read. Well Done. Keep it up. Xx Chrissie

  • 16 years ago

    by Anonymous

    Good, lots of passion in this poem. It seems as though Poems-and-quotes is filled with sad poems =(

  • 16 years ago

    by Anonymous

    Good, lots of passion in this poem. It seems as though Poems-and-quotes is filled with sad poems =(

  • 16 years ago

    by 3qually M3asur3d

    I liked it, it was really good. Keep up the great job.

  • 16 years ago

    by xPerfect Chaosx

    I like how this poem started off with hurt and pain and then ended in happiness when you were able to put the abuse behind you. It is an awesome poem and it shows you can get yourself out of the cycle of abuse. Everything is superb. 5/5 for sure!!!!

    Much Love,
    .:Danielle:.