The Disc And The Eye

by Robert   May 12, 2007


The Rise of the Disc and the Eye,
both driven by each other but neither asking why.
One born of poverty and grief abound,
The other held back because of health a new vision had to be found.
Both of steel will to ignite a nation into turmoil,
And set the blood of the gods to bleed in the desert soil.
One sent to war to understand a soldiers way,
The other taken so that his father would not be humiliated another day.
In Battles of lost lands The Eye did everything that had to be done,
So that there was to be glory for only one.
Still the Disc held true to his ability research his culture in every way,
So that it was his vision for his country not the past that would forever stay.
Eye�s Ambition for wealth and power was fueled by greed,
and he held true to his goal no matter who it would bleed.
The Disc used The Eye to make his vision of Egypt come to life,
And told him to kill any that would stand to give them any strife.
The Eye did as he was told and put every priest to steel that would not see their way,
And from that day on it was to Aten we would pray.
In a few years The Eye took the gold and killed any that would resist,
Then as he slept his ambition scrolled a new victim on his list.
The Disc so pleased that he had done what no other king had the will to do,
Just sat back and watched the world that he helped come true.
The Priests waited for their chance to retain the power they held so long for,
and approached The Eye hoping his greed would want to be more.
By torchlight an overthrow was being set in stone,
And within that year The Disc would be left all alone.
Little By little The Eye spoke secrets that made the Disc hate everything he ever loved,
And by mid summer revenge was choking The Disc like a glove.
In a rant he banished his wife and tried to buy any loyalty he could,
But he never saw his true enemy until The floods took its hood.
Astonished at the foe that had tore the King to his knees,
He gasped for breath looking for a cure for this disease.
I bled and killed so that the weak would have the right and power,
A gift given in loyalty not to a man but a weak flower!
The Disc either out of pride or hurt tried to kill the very thing he helped create,
But all was lost as the spear impaled The Disc�s chest sealing his fate.

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Latest Comments

  • 16 years ago

    by VYXSIN

    Lol im not sure that i actually undersatnd this poem, but i like it. its well written and very different to what i normally read. well done.

  • 16 years ago

    by KeyxMashingxParody

    5/5 for sure. The flow was good, the story line, even better. I think this puts you on my fave list. I'm expecting a lot of good reads from you. :)

  • 16 years ago

    by Fsams

    This is I would say rather a unique poem because the wordings and the metaphors in this piece are different. Different is always good and it reflects your creativity. 5/5 piece

  • This was really well done.. the word choice you use in all of your writing is excellent, you have a great way with words, really do.

    It was a little long for a poem in my opinion, but I still loved it.. The rhyme was almost perfect too.

    For some reason, I really liked this phrase...

    "In Battles of lost lands The Eye did everything that had to be done,"

    Not sure why that one specific, but I did. lol..
    Ignore my ignorance..

    In any case, you are really a great writer in my opinion, so please keep posting, thanks for sharing with everyone.

    I give this a 5/5 don't know how anyone could give you anything less.

    Take care and have a nice day.

    ~Ally~

  • 16 years ago

    by Simple Sensation

    I like your usage of rhyme couplets in your poetry The title of the poem and the introduction line made me ownder wehat the poem was baout. The disk and the eye? i wondered what you meant by this. The poem had a good flow but once more i thought your structure could of been improved. I can kinda see what your saying with this poem. And i like this reference you have going on about Egypt. "Little By little" this creates this image of it slowly happeneing. A good read. Really intresting. But to improve this i suggest you use punctuation and work on the structure. Keep writing! xx