Definatly a diffrent approach to the same old love story, I really like this, and it is something for a love poem to keep my attention as this one has, the word choice of course was brillant
and the emtion was deep, and strong. Keep up the amazing work 5/5
Oh my freakin' god...I loved this poem...it made the depths within me feel all warm and fuzzy inside...you have the best writing technique of anyone on this site...Whisper anything you want into my lips; baby let's play truth or dare...holy chicken batman this line is AMAZING...lol...it is the apple of my eye..the fruit of my loom...the money in my bank...well i think you get the point..lol...k well bye bye lady...btw i love your hair...5/5
YOur coolest friend ever,
That was so effing amazing!that was so sweet! the depth of the emotions was just fantastic..it made me feel warm inside...loved the ending and the title was very catchy!
it flowed very well.the vocabulary and the imagery were amazing!...as other people have said ..i loved the connections it made with music..just simply AMAZING!
"But baby you don't need to move; you could change the color of the sunset with your smile, it's true,
And even if the stars giggle down upon us, we'll simply laugh knowing they can't have the moon like I have you."
"Your kiss is a short cut to my heart and I'll kiss them with every note; I'm dancing too fast, but I've barely began to care;
Whisper anything you want into my lips; baby let's play truth or dare. "
^^ Amazinggggg parts of this poem.
This is like seriously on my favorite poems list.
One of your best, fo sho. :]
I wish I could give you more!
Keep up the amazing work, hun.
Another poem that paints beautiful imagery. I also liked the way you started off one way and ended another, most times when that's done it sounds choopy, but it really kept the flow going well. Great writing! 5/5
I really enjoyed this poem. Usually, when a poem has long sentences like this one, I don't wanan read it because I never like them but this time was different. Excellent poem. The craftmanship truely portrayed your love for writing. The words you used and the comparisons you made were astonishing.
'And even if the stars giggle down upon us, we'll simply laugh knowing they can't have the moon like I have you.'
Not many people would be able to whip out something like that with a pen. That was my absolute favorite line.
I absolutely adored this poem. It was not the same ole cliche love poem that you see so often now days.
Although all of them were amazing.
This by far was my favorite line.
And even if the stars giggle down upon us, we'll simply laugh knowing they can't have the moon like I have you.
I tried to write a poem not to long ago talking about how the moon was jealous of me and my lover. I have not finished it but loved your lines.
This was quite an intriguing piece of work. I enjoyed it immensely.
Thank you for entering.
Freaking amazing. I love it...its a different, refreshing way to look at love :) I'm so tired of the basic stuff. This was like drinking fresh mountain spring water after having nothing to drink but swamp water :)
I love your stuff :)
I really liked the poem up into the last line..truth and dare just didnt seem to fit in with all the musical symbolism of love and the couples relationship..but overall its still very good and expressive of loving feelings..still rated it 5 out of 5..
I love the metaphors you make; and the, â€˜â€¦stars giggle down upon usâ€¦they can't have the moon like I have youâ€¦,â€™ was my favorite part. I really loved the poem, although, the flow was a bit stop and go.
Good Heavens, what a stupendous work of a genius!
Child, how do you do it? :|
Actually, I've been rereading this piece several times since you submitted it, but I never got the chance to review due to certain circumstance. In which case, you've verily written a dazzling masterpiece. I loved the incorporation of musical and celestial units - absolutely stunning! And, forgive me, I could never dare to critique this; I only would continue to praise this. :| (I better stop babbling now.) So then and again, this is an out-of-the-ordinary theme for a love poem. I adored it completely. I gave you a 5/5! ~Marian
That was beautiful. The way your words painted an image in my mind, was indescribable. I love how you portray your emotions with such comparisons. The flow wasn't perfect but the overall peice was!
great job! 5/5
First, let me say that I thought this was a very good poem. Your use of language really did a good job or keeping the reader intrigued and your imagery was great. Now, on to the review.
You have some SPAG issues (spelling, grammer, and punctuation) and some of your flow and rhythm are off.
FLOW and RHYTHM:
You've got the sun singing to me, but that's not what I'm after; (15 syllables)
I'd prefer your voice over any orchestra. (12 syllables)
The violins are sweating notes as your fingers dance over the strings, (17 syllables)
And your smile resembles that of safety like comfort no other brings. (17 syllables)
When writing a poem, even free verse, read it out loud. By doing so, you will be able to catch this. Anything that stumbles you will stumble the reader.
And your smile resembles that of safety (COMMA) like comfort no other brings.
But I'm no one to complain; your eighth note rhythm is mingling with the melody of my chords (;) PERIOD
Your kiss is a short cut to my heart and I'll kiss them with every note; I'm dancing too fast, but I've barely began to care (;) PERIOD
Again, a very well writen peice. I would not point out the discrepencies in your work except to help you improve. I hope I was helpful :-D