The gun

by Rose not your average   Jul 19, 2007


Your breath stops,
There are no cops.
You want to scream,
You wish it were all a dream!

He has that evil grin,
He is going to win!
He holds that gun,
I want to run.

He says a few words,
I here a few birds.
No people, except us,
It’s not a plus!

I am afraid,
I prayed!
Any second now,
He would pull that trigger.

I will be dead,
And nothing would be said!
I would just bleed,
And he would just leave.

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Latest Comments

  • 16 years ago

    by Austin

    I liek the thought behind it but the rhyme scheme is to simple for me I know its readers preference but I like more meat in the lines I wanna feel the fear I want to hear the birds you know but good framework on it

  • The flow was good and I loved the meaning of this poem.You shouldn't press the rhyming as much though.All in all it was a pretty good poem.

    <3Amber

  • 16 years ago

    by Melpomene

    I really couldn't get a picture from this the imagery lacked. The flow was just alright though the rhyme seemed forced in some areas. I like the meaning you portrayed behind this piece but to me this was too simple. Overall 3/5

  • 16 years ago

    by nikki

    Wow. the imagery was powerful and the whole piece was powerful. i loved every single word of it. nice one

  • 16 years ago

    by TwiztidJuggalette

    The imagery was great...When you write you should let the rhymes come out not like forced..It was really well writen though..Good JOb

    5/5

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