Comments : The gun

  • 16 years ago

    by blueknight

    Wow great imaginary and flow a vivid poem and a smooth one yet its effective i love the rhythem great piece keep up...

  • 16 years ago

    by Hope

    The poem is good.. However I realize that you change from second to first person in the poem.. be careful of that.. But other wise its a good poem

  • 16 years ago

    by luv Shelbz luv

    Very intence and vivid!!! Good rhyme scheme. good

  • 16 years ago

    by wendi

    Very good

  • 16 years ago

    by audrey harris

    Wow... scary! good detail and nice wording! haha, wow! you got my vote for sure!

  • 16 years ago

    by Kat

    Wow, that was really good. It showed so much emotion. It was short but amazing. Good job! 5/5

    ~Kat~

  • 16 years ago

    by Serina the Squid

    Kind of an amateur poem, but you are only fourteen and that's about how I was writing. I only have two years on you, but that's a lot of you practice enough. Explore words, try different styles. I can see stunning poetry coming from you with a little more experience and experimentation. Read the dictionary, maybe. It's a bit interesting actually.

    You wish it were all a dream!

    Should be was, I think.

  • 16 years ago

    by Cella Bella

    The rhymes were pretty simple, but they did rhyme, so that's always good when that's what you're going for. There wasn't a lot depth, I think thats the word I'm looking for lol, it's just the poem is pretty straight forward. Um, overall it's a pretty good poem. Keep it up!

    marcella

  • 16 years ago

    by Riley

    Good job, I like the rhymes in this one, it flowed nicely, everything fit togettherr. 5/5

  • 16 years ago

    by Tara Kay

    It was good, not brilliant or the best i've read, i think it was too simple, not enough vivid wording, couldnt really get a picute, there wasnt much emotion for me. But overall it was a good poem.
    love Tara-Kay
    x

  • 16 years ago

    by aDORKable x3

    Whoa! Dark poem. lol I felt that the flow was off in a few places and some of the rhyming was off too but not a bad poem at all.
    4/5
    Ciao

  • 16 years ago

    by Brittany

    I loved the imagery here, but I found that some of the rhyming was forced. It was good none the less. Keep it up :)

  • 16 years ago

    by TwiztidJuggalette

    The imagery was great...When you write you should let the rhymes come out not like forced..It was really well writen though..Good JOb

    5/5

  • 16 years ago

    by nikki

    Wow. the imagery was powerful and the whole piece was powerful. i loved every single word of it. nice one

  • 16 years ago

    by Melpomene

    I really couldn't get a picture from this the imagery lacked. The flow was just alright though the rhyme seemed forced in some areas. I like the meaning you portrayed behind this piece but to me this was too simple. Overall 3/5

  • The flow was good and I loved the meaning of this poem.You shouldn't press the rhyming as much though.All in all it was a pretty good poem.

    <3Amber

  • 16 years ago

    by Austin

    I liek the thought behind it but the rhyme scheme is to simple for me I know its readers preference but I like more meat in the lines I wanna feel the fear I want to hear the birds you know but good framework on it