Waiting

by Krista   Aug 21, 2007


I sit in my room
Patiently waiting the arrival
The arrival of the sun,
The arrival of the moon,
Only I know
And I keep it a closed door
In my secretive mind.

Waiting is a piece of art.
Gentle strokes of paint are
The slow ticks of the clock.
The colors blend like
the arrival of him

The phone rings
The call that brings me to my knees
He's not coming home tonight,
Or tomorrow.
So I sit waiting at my window
I realize it's hopeless.
The memories weren't worth saving.

So I walk down the street
and see a girl waiting
I hope her fate is not the
same as my hopeless, lost dreams
of him.

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  • 14 years ago

    by Lady Nik

    Patiently waiting the arrival

    *I'd change this to "patiently waiting for..." instead of saying "arrival" three times in a row.*

    Only I know
    And I keep it a closed door
    In my secretive mind.

    *I didn't understand this part. Only you know what? It doesn't make such since to me. I liked how this first stanza started but the way it ended really threw me off*

    Waiting is a piece of art.
    Gentle strokes of paint are
    The slow ticks of the clock.
    The colors blend like
    the arrival of him

    *I love this :) the metaphor you use if perfect and it's sweet as well. Really glad you used that here*

    The memories weren't worth saving.

    *This was my favorite line of the entire poem. Brillant! Such a simpel line but it really stands out to me. I think you did a good job with this poem. I'd just work on the first stanza little. But this was a deeply sad but beautiful piece. Nik*

  • 16 years ago

    by Krista

    Thanks :D

  • 16 years ago

    by Kayla Brown

    Beautiful :)