Deep and extremely dark! 5/5

This poem is very powerful. You have a great imagination. I like this story because it not only keeps the reader interested but it has a hidden meaning. You're flow was amazing. I found no breaks in it. I am a big fan of rhyming, you didn't rhyme. But you still impressed me. Great Job!

My Favorite Part:

As I tumble faster, reaching out, with nothing to grasp
Was there ever any good in him, for me, for her to hold
I come across a face, obscure, like an old time movie
Flashing, black and white, distorted, now without sound,
Eyes, peering back at me I see, black and unrelenting,
And the glare of his rage so bright, it pierces my skin,
I clench my fist, my heart is slowly tattered and torn

I some how can relate to this stanza.

I enjoyed your poem :)

Excellent
5/5

Excellent!

The entire piece was great, the ideas and the words flowed together as one..

Keep it up!

O_o.
That was just simply.. magnificent! The imagery was so vivid && the story that you've told in this one was amazing. The emotions were very in-depth && the word usage was powerful. Amazing job. (: 5.5

-- Stephanie Lynn .+.

O_o.
That was just simply.. magnificent! The imagery was so vivid && the story that you've told in this one was amazing. The emotions were very in-depth && the word usage was powerful. Amazing job. (: 5.5

-- Stephanie Lynn .+.

An awesome piece, very powerful indeed consisting with such brilliant ambiance and emotions. i love everything in here. keep it up!

O.k, this was long *catches breath* but the good thing is that it wasn't boring at all.
There are two things that impress me the most about this piece.
- Your amazing vocab that added absolutely fantastic effect to this piece.
and
- The dark, creative and original atmosphere that you created.
I have to admit that I often prefer short, effective poems, but you didn't lost my attention in any part with this one.
My fav. part of the poem is:

-I come across a face, obscure, like an old time movie
Flashing, black and white, distorted, now without sound,
Eyes, peering back at me I see, black and unrelenting,
And the glare of his rage so bright, it pierces my skin,-
^
I love description here, so powerful!
Keep up!

Wow! This was put with passion in every way. The message and the imagery was beautiful beyond words! 5/5

WOW. This was spell binding! The emotion, the language, the flow, everything was just flawless and fit together perfectly. I loved this one, it has to be my fave from what I read from you. You have just made me faves :] Well done *5/5*

I have to say this is one of the best i have seen for this structure/type. right from the start i wanted more, the words used and the power in which they're used was excellent.

a great read for anyone.

5/5

"A horrid recollection of lies, flailing past my ears, "
[A horrid recollection of lies flailing past my ears,]
- I've went over the whole reading it and flow thing with the commas, this is another place where it threw me off. in regular essays it would be perfectly fine. Just not here.

I loved this poem. I thought that it was written wonderfully. I will say you have WAY too many commas. I showed you an example listed above, but in the first stanza alone I found 5 lines where it could be changed in order to help the flow. And a lot more through-out. I do suggest going over it and reading it silently and out loud. Take every thing into consideration that you feel while reading a poem. I think that the poet usually knows something is wrong in an area but isn't sure how to fix it. So, when you read it over ... most likely the problem will be the commas. And, if you go through and remove a few then read it again you'll realize that even though they work okay there it works better without it. Just try it out and fiddle around with them some.

Good job though, other than that you've a flawless poem.

Wow, simply and utterly beautiful! The imagery was amazing. Full of power and emotion. Beautifully written piece. Loved it.