Comments : Old Toy

  • 16 years ago

    by azii

    Absolutely wonderful!
    I lov this poem. Greatly done. But you said you wanted critisism so here's some: :D
    The last sentence is a lil too long. It makes the flow just stop being flawless. You can make it shorter for example this way:

    You leave me like an old toy.
    So sad and so alone.
    I have to stop myself from crying.
    From the beginning, I should've known..

    ..That you were gonna go.
    I shouldn't have fallen so deep.
    Oh why didn't I realise.
    I wasn't something you wanted to keep.

    It would be better this way I guess.. But that's just me.. :) Good job anyway! 4.5/5
    Take care

  • 16 years ago

    by just me

    I like this alot. I love it. really. It really explains how i feel right now. I love that last sentence. Beautiful
    <3
    L.C