Comments : Day Dream

  • 16 years ago

    by Mo

    Hey Nori - good poem my dear. Just suggest you edit this word - "canâ??t" - it comes out like that sometimes if it doesn't understand a formatting or a character or something.

    I liked how you referred to the ones on the ground as the ones flapping their tiny wings while the birds soar. Very appropriate for us all trying to get ahead in life and never quite lifting off the ground.

    Mo

  • 16 years ago

    by geeeeee

    I enjoyed reading this poem, it was thought provoking and uniquely structured and written:)

    Take Care

  • 16 years ago

    by musiqlover015

    Wow.... i really like this one

  • 16 years ago

    by Fluffy

    A subtle yet effectively written piece. Reminded me a lot of 'To A Skylark'. Having said that, this is relatively shorter. Much shorter. :)

    "I envy the birds above
    Graciously gliding at---
    The heavens mocking"

    I appreciate that dramatic pause. There's something almost sinister about it. You think I'm an idiot, I know. But for a moment it did detach this idea of a supreme bird souring above from the far greater Heavens, which in this case seem to be paired with a paradox. Am I making sense or have I used the inappropriate term?
    Forgive me. It is 00.31, and I felt like being 'random'. That term is so over-used that it requires inverted commas.

    Ok. I think I'm done here.
    Well done, Noir. (:

  • 16 years ago

    by IdTakeABulletForYou

    Beautiful poem.

    Interesting.
    I feel the need to pick it apart,
    and make a movie about it.

    Sigh

    wonderful job
    5/5
    ~Stephen White

  • 16 years ago

    by Cassie

    Coool poem xxx 5/5

  • 16 years ago

    by Brittany Michelle

    Good

  • 14 years ago

    by Zeus

    It's a really well written piece and perfectly concise.
    When I day dream, I often look up to the sky and an image similar to your work is visible. It reminds me of those days, those moments.

    Well done. 5/5