I like this one very much as well. Lovely message and nice to show that you really care. I think this would be even better if you wrote a little more about the fears you hold, and things that remind you of the person...that would be really cool.
Yes, that is wonderful! you have made it more fullfilling and interesting, and by creating more moods and questions in it you have given it more tentio and answers and just developed the flow way better.