Comments : It's all been done and said

  • 15 years ago

    by Teria

    I really liked this poem. I liked the meaning of it, the emotion is good. I don't know what it is, I had the same problem with your last poem. I think that it needs to have punctuation. It's as if (even though there's good emotion) the words them self aren't lively nor exhilarating. I also think that you cut lines off at the wrong spot in some places. There are a few other mistakes through-out the poem, such as; your = you're. But, they'll all be listed below.

    Everything is done,
    nobody really knows who they are.
    Can somebody please,
    please!
    Tell me who we are -
    some days it's too much,
    I'm too sad to cry
    but too happy to die.
    Oh God if you're there,
    why does the world
    have too be so damn sad?
    It's just too beautiful

  • 15 years ago

    by lisa marie

    :)

  • 15 years ago

    by forevertobeart

    "Everything is done
    nobody really knows who they are
    can somebody please
    please!
    tell me who we are"

    ^I like this, it helps the reader relate because a lot of people often have no sense of who they are at all, and they try so hard sometimes to find out.

    "some days it's too much
    i'm too sad to cry
    but too happy to die"

    ^Here is this conflict; too sad to even cry, but happy enough to see that dying isn't the answer.

    "oh god if your there"

    ^And this is so common of us, to get down on our knees and plead to God, if he's out there.

    "why does the world
    have too be so damn
    sad
    It's too beautiful"

    ^Amen. The bad thing is, it doesn't stop at sad. It's even, cruel, sadistic.. just horrible.

    Only a few tweeks will make this poem more appealing. Proper punctuation and capitalization, and changing "your" to "you're".

    I enjoyed this.

  • 15 years ago

    by Italian Stallion

    Short but interesting write, made me ponder on the different aspects of life. Nice job!!!

    Needs puncuation! And can use some structual help, but overall it was a well thought out write.

    ``````````
    Everything is done
    nobody really knows who they are
    can somebody please
    please!
    tell me who we are
    some days it's too much
    i'm too sad to cry
    but too happy to die
    oh god if your there
    why does the world
    have too be so damn
    sad
    It's too beautiful

    ^^Like I've stated in other poems I've commented, the structure can be stronger just by splitting it into stanzas, but this poem is short and you don't really need to do that, you just have to revise a few minor things and add some puncuation and it will be good.

    ``````````

    Overall, wonderful write, keep up the great work.

    Peace, Joe