Comments : Love gone forever

  • 16 years ago

    by Ingrid

    Pfff...I am a little speechless...you wrote so much in this one poem. You must have felt great once you finished it! I am going to put it in my favs too.

    Take care ( I hope you are still around!)

    5/5 Ingrid

  • 16 years ago

    by Christina

    Awwwz that is liike sooooooooooo sad.....but VERY well writen u should write more u are rele good!

  • 16 years ago

    by Lizaveta

    Ok i don't really like poems about suicide and cutting but anyway.

    you're really good at rhyming and rhythming.
    and great how emotions gather throughout the poem: in the beginning it's just melancholy, and in the end - pain, blood, death.

    i have some suggestions:
    1) try to separate it into stanzas like:
    What do I do when you say you don't care?
    And the pain is far too deep for me to bear.
    I wonder will you even notice I am gone?
    Will you come to my funeral to say so long?

    Will you see me in my coffin, and kiss my head?
    It's hurts to know the only kiss ill get from you, is when I'm dead.
    But why did it have to be this way?
    It was you, nobody else, who got me from day to day.

    etc.
    it just makes it easier to read, u know

    2) i don't think it's a good idea to call your poem "sad poem" and another your poem "sad poem II". i don't know maybe it was your special concept but if i were u i'd make a more eye-catching and intriguing tittle. Maybe something like "The last kiss"
    or "A funeral kiss" or something like that.

    and another thing: your life depends on you, only on you, you can't blame anyone for making you love them, for making you suffer, for making you cut. ok i know sounds banal but that was just what i think abt your poem in general.

    ps. trust me. u tried to cut 2 years ago. now i know it's soooo damn stupid. feelings pass, pain passes. it's not worth your precious life.

  • 15 years ago

    by Nikki

    Good job keep it up!

  • 15 years ago

    by mii5t3rii0u5 p03t

    I like this alot it has long of emothion and depth to it you can really get in to it

  • 15 years ago

    by Sammerz

    Wow this is an amazing poem absolutely loved it
    5/5
    Excellent, Amazing, Fantastic, Beautiful Job!!

  • 15 years ago

    by Unamed

    OMG!! how sad!!!!..it didnt precisly make me cry,but it was soooo beyond good!!!!..wow!!..u did a total fab job!!!!
    You put lots of emotion and power into this, it was great!
    i love how u ended it. it was awsum!!!
    Totaly awsum job!
    hehe i prov. said that ten times allready..
    anyways..
    5/5
    Aly

  • 15 years ago

    by WrittenInTheStars

    It feels like Ive died a thousand times inside
    Holding you a little closer, just a little more in my mind.

    So sad.. I think you should format the second part so that it flows from this to that.. Or you could make this part more like the second.. Either way that part needs some work. That's really the only thing I can really suggest for you to do.. Nice work.

  • 15 years ago

    by shadowknight

    I love this poem!!

    my fav bit is
    Will you see me in my coffin, and kiss my head?
    It's hurts to know the only kiss ill get from you, is when I'm dead

    its seems so desperate but in a good way, if a chick read this she would all head over heels!!!

    Great job
    i love it!!!

    5/5 (sorry typo)
    10/5 (Not typo)

    :)

  • 15 years ago

    by Grace

    Omg i love this poem!!! i give it a 5/5!!

  • 15 years ago

    by Grace

    Omg i love this poem!! i give it a 5/5!!! XD

  • 15 years ago

    by Grace

    Omg i love this poem!! i give it a 5/5!!! XD

  • 15 years ago

    by Estefania

    OMG really great poem i really loved it!! great job 5/5

  • 15 years ago

    by SAINTS MATE

    This poem is just as gud as ur the next one... i have to read more

    this poem made me cry.... it cuts close to home... the one bout ryan... it made me feel so bad... it so moving this poems... keep riting

    baby XD

  • 14 years ago

    by Karl Wild GG23

    I thought it was pretty well done, a few spelling mistakes and a couple lines didn't really rhyme but it wasn't horrible. The end seemed a bit forced like you were running out of words and just ended it. Sometimes removing a couple words and using just one word that means the same will help with flow... good job though overall

  • 14 years ago

    by sabine

    This poem is beyond any doubt the most touching thing i've ever read! it's so simple and heartfelt.

  • 14 years ago

    by MERCY is never shown

    Ok first and formost i loved your poem its so sweet and it makes the writer seem hes really at a vulnerable point it was amazing and i can relate extremely well to the feelings behind this so its a favorite for me :)

    "My heart is on fire, it is not to appealing."
    ok this is probably my favorite line ive never heard it expressed that way it seems original its just really appealing

    "It feels like Ive died a thousand times inside
    Holding you a little closer, just a little more in my mind."
    and i love this too the thought of holding on to that person simply in memories and thoughts but if you let that go youd have nothing so you keep remembering :)

    "But I would die a million times, if we could just be friends."
    i really like this too because it shows a different affection towards that person which you did a great job of conveying

    "Someone please tell me what this torture is for.
    I really don't want to love you anymore."
    now here id have to ask if you were serious? can you honestly say you dont love her anymore? id think not based on the rest of the poem but the abandonment feeling in these lines is amazing

    i love this poems im deffinatly gonna add it as a favorite its so sweet and sad i wanna cry but i guess its just your mark of being a good writer BRAVO!!

  • 13 years ago

    by Krysten

    Great poem. i could really feel the pain and emotion in it. im sorry that someone hurt you bad enough to create the inspiration for this...ive been there myself a time or two...but again great poem...keep up the good work....;D

  • 13 years ago

    by Jacqueline Bautista

    Oh my god.
    this is such a great poem!
    seriously, i love it!
    i can absolutely picture all of this in my head and it is so easy to feel what you're feeling. It's a really good work. awesome poem! 5/5

  • 13 years ago

    by Ray Smallshaw

    A poem with much pain and many clichés yet it hit the spot. Perhaps I am a sentimental fool but I have been there many years ago the frustration of loving someone who can't love you, you got it down to a tee the agony, the anger followed by despair and unable to understand why. An excellent poem long winded and cliched to death but it flowed great,
    5/5 Ray S