Comments : What went wrong?

  • 16 years ago

    by Bryan

    Tis a good poem steph, few mistakes but still very good, flows pretty well, i give it a 5/5!!! keep them coming!!!

  • 16 years ago

    by UnToLd TrUtH

    I liked it. It don't think you are finished yet, to me it seems that you have stopped in the middle. I know what you mean by this because I have went threw this same thing. I just got tired of trying so hard, if that person didn't want to be with me why try so hard to make it right? I wish you the best of luck.

  • 16 years ago

    by Ingrid

    How about "kept on a string" for a title?

    Take care,

    5/5 Ingrid ( kerels...je kunt niet mét en niet zonder ze!!! Sterkte, meisje)

  • 16 years ago

    by Phantasmagoria

    I know the feeling, well, sort of. I can tell how you felt.

  • 16 years ago

    by The Queen of Spades

    Nice poem, very strong words and meaning. Although in the third stanza I believe you wanted to say "to MAKE the relationship work"

    Other than that petty detail, good piece. Keep up the great work!

  • 16 years ago

    by chind

    This poem was very nice.
    the flow was nice and i liked the ryhming you had in it.
    its a really relateable topic as well.

    "Its like I'm doing everything,
    to keep this relationship work.
    Making some time free,
    just for you and me."

    i loved that stanza !
    well done =]

    cindy 5/5

  • 16 years ago

    by Miu

    Aww amazing! This is what I'm going through right now, so it really touched me. I hope it works out for you how you want it to. Poem was very easy to read and connect with and strong emotions you are displaying here.
    Really enjoyed this!
    5/5 Keep up!

  • 16 years ago

    by Kyle

    Awww this is a sad poem...i love it it though, great job, i know how you feel! i'll igve ya a 5/5 =)

  • Its a great poem and a great title. 5/5

    <mOnStRiTo'S pRiNcEsS>

  • 16 years ago

    by Corruption

    Great poem
    i think the title works fine for it
    but im kinda late on commenting so someone probably already said a good suggestion eh
    well you still did a great job so congrats
    and thx for the comment

    Keenan

  • 16 years ago

    by ECILA ice

    You made this poem while your totally confused, am i right? coz it comprises a lot of questions. i know you can bring something more vivid than this but it is still a nice poem. in some angles it jumps that made it a bit rocky.

  • 16 years ago

    by Dennis

    Questions many of us have asked while in relationships that feel one-sided. If both aren't willing to nurture the relationship...eventually it will wither away and die like a flower that no one has watered.

    I could nit pick on some of the grammar again...but I'll hold off this time lol. If you care to hear my suggestions you can send me a message about it :)

  • 16 years ago

    by robin milford

    Good poem thanks for your comment on my poem "Recipe for insanity

  • 15 years ago

    by Faithless

    Well i think the title is just fine...the title realli suits the poem...it musta be based on a true incident...glad tt u managed to share with us this great sad poem

  • 15 years ago

    by isabel

    What did I do wrong?
    Why didn't you come?
    I thought you wanted to see me,
    I guess this moment wasn't meant to be.

    A very good begin... It reminds me of myself, a couple years ago...

    I have been thinking a lot lately,
    about you and me.
    I am always asking you,
    when do you have time for two?

    I really enjoyed this stanza... especially the last two verses... in simple words you just described the feeling so wonderfully...
    yet i am not very sure if "lately" and "me" rhyme... it sounds a little bit weird...

    Its like I'm doing everything,
    to make this relationship work.
    Making some time free,
    just for you and me.

    Again, this really sounds familiar to me... I really enjoy how I can relate to this poem...
    yet maybe you could try to use less "me" at the end of the verse... it sounds a little bit repetitive...

    You didn't come,
    you just went home.
    So I'm asking myself what went wrong?
    We have been together for so long.

    this is really a great ending... The simplicity of the wording, contrasting with the depth of the feeling just amazes me...
    I just loved the last two verses...

    5/5

    *keep going*
    isabel