This was well-done and interesting.....but....it is laid out like prose...like an interesting and poetic essay......Perhaps you could try 'thinking in phrases'..and get a rhythm going with all these interesting and poetic words...

It would be
a long and unusual poem,yes,
but...
it would
be a poem...

Thats a really fantastic piece. I like that you used those cliched comparisons but justified them. It's like drowning- but I haven't drowned. Cheeky honesty. Makes a great poem. (first line-know should be now-I'm very picky!)