Comments : Modern Giants

  • 16 years ago

    by Miu

    Aww! It made me smile, so fresh to read. And idea was just brilliant. I liked the title also and the fact that you don't accually say that kind of people you are talking about, just hinting.
    Brilliant! 5/5

  • 16 years ago

    by xXxemzxXx

    This is a great poem short creative and unique i loved it :) 5/5

    --emz--

  • 16 years ago

    by 4 track demo

    I don't ever ask for explanations, but your poem made me giggle, i guess it's my cynical something or other, anyway...shortness made it rich, creative and well plotted out, and such an enjoyable read, i'm still smiling, and if a poem has that much of an effect on me it was be a damn good one....so....nice job...

  • 16 years ago

    by Shinobi

    Again a unique subject. The rhyming is fine and structure too. The flow is a bit weird. 4/5

  • 16 years ago

    by Bret Higgins

    I like it, but I think you should tidy it up a little. I'll even do it for you as it's purely presentation and not changing a word you have written.

    Make room for the fortunate,
    Don't you dare raise your head.
    They'll step on you with Prada shoes,
    You best remember to look ahead.

    Comb their furs and shine their thrones,
    Don't mention any ache.
    "For if they are starving,
    Let them eat cake!"

    I did remove the comma after furs as it is spurious. Now read that out loud, guided by the punctuation and see if it fits with the rythmn that you imagine when you read it.

    If it fits then I would suggest implementing the changes as the reader will be more inclined to read it as intended. If not, tinker with it, see what works for your design. And if you think it looks perfect the way it is then just tell me to shove it ; )

    Let me know what you decide.

    Another innovative piece.

    Bret

  • 15 years ago

    by Lonely Rider

    Short but very well written piece...

    great descriptions... and the messsage is clearly delivered..

    great write..

  • 15 years ago

    by The Queen

    That was very imaginative of you...I liked the last two lines...Once they get hungry just feed them with cake and everythin will be alright...Very powerful write with deep meaning in it..Good Job...