Comments : As Quiet River Runs (Licentia Rhyme)

  • 16 years ago

    by Cindy

    Deb
    This reads like a sad fairytale. Excellent imagery, rhyme, word choices and flow. This piece just left me breathless.

    On fragrant bed of Violets and Queen Anne's lace
    You were laughing, we sent wishes to the sky
    We never knew those seedlings carried our goodbye

    They joy and happiness of love come from these lines.

    Remainders of a feeling, now love has gone
    Wild flower remnants lie dry beneath my feet
    Please return- repeats in every anguished beat
    Clouds aloft bring home what I cannot deny
    Change has come as snowflakes dance in Winter sky

    The agony of losing the one we loved. Such heartbreaking lines.

    Willing you to this bank, back where you belong
    To lie in my arms and feel the soft new grass
    While feeling at home with you back here at last
    Our quiet river will flow soft as before
    On to forever to be lonely no more
    And we'll be laughing, watching clouds floating by
    To see dreams and wishes we've cast to the sky

    The lonliness of waiting for our love to return. Always wishing. Longing to be back.
    ~Clapping~
    Awesome Debbie a very difficuly form. You have done such a amazing job!
    Love Cindy

  • 16 years ago

    by Ingrid

    Debbie,

    This is one of the most beautiful poems I have ever read. Tears rolled down my face when I read it...I can so relate to what you are telling in this tale...so sad.
    Bravo, girl..you did an outstanding job on this one!

    Take care,

    5/5 from your friend Ingrid

  • 16 years ago

    by NyellMoonlight

    Wow...
    This is magical, it took me to some other world with endless beauty. So vivid piece, filled with excellently expressed emotions. I'm speechless in a way, and I really can't express how much I like this poem. I could just get lost in the superb descriptions...
    Excellently done.
    Keep writing!

  • 16 years ago

    by Barry

    There's talent and there's talent that expresses from somewhere else.....some say gifted......
    The poem I feel pushed the barrier of your work up another level......by far one of your best poems.....if not the best.

    superb write

  • 16 years ago

    by Elapsed

    WOW Deb this was simply breathtaking!!..

    "Lazy slumber lingered with our warm embrace
    On fragrant bed of Violets and Queen Anne's lace
    You were laughing, we sent wishes to the sky
    We never knew those seedlings carried our goodbye"

    Such beauty in such immense sadness.. Well thats how i saw it anyways :).... absolutely awesome!!

  • 16 years ago

    by Lithium

    Remainders of a feeling, now love has gone

    this line really stood out for me, it just captured me, your entire poem is fantasic with much imagery between nature its really well done xox sam

  • 16 years ago

    by Gasttlee

    That was so beautiful. Your imagery flowed so well and I could feel the image coming from the poem. 5/5

  • 16 years ago

    by Amanda Brown

    "Vernal chill invades this trembling shattered heart
    Skeletal branches plead for another start
    Quiet river swells, a melancholy song
    Remainders of a feeling, now love has gone"

    Wow so beautiful, powerful and moving. This is quite possibly one of the best poems I have ever read, You are so talented :o)

    Manda x

  • 16 years ago

    by Pete

    Such a wonderfully vivid poem, I rarely read licentia porms, as they are always a little long for my palate. This is so wonderfully beautiful, it fills the page with emotion without needing to state the obvious.

    You have done a remarkable job on this piece, I think the two things that really shine through in this piece is the imagery and splendid word choice. With the words you have chosen you paint such vibrant images in the readers mind.

    Truly enjoyable read, 5/5 every time.

    ~Pete.

  • 16 years ago

    by Bryan

    This tis a very very good poem,
    I love the way it unfolds like a story,
    The flow tis perfect and the grammer is flawless
    I give it a 5/5