This is a really good poem.
the rhyme scheme helps the flow, and the subject is rather dark but engaging.
good job : )
and thank you for the comment.

Totally agree with Ari. Nothing much i can add to that :)
well done! 5/5 :D

Wow for one of your first poems this is amazing! keep up the good work!

Cayce

Good starting... and i guess u can do it more better for ur next poem if ever! just keep it up and continue writing... great job of urs 5/5

See....I told you it was good. Now do not fear, write from within and more praise is sure to follow.

Thats freakin awesome!
You have a nice flow, unbroken in your rhythm. *5*

That's interesting. Short but definitely fits its length. Nice flow up til the end. I don't know about that last line. In a way it seems...a little off. But still it fits. Hmm I'll ignore that. Dark which suits this piece. I liked the content and how it plays together nicely.
~Faith-less

"Relentless and cold it plays on his fears.
Day after day it schemes and it lies."

I really liked these lines. Well done--short, but still very emotional.