I liked the narrative in this piece. It was very good, and very real, with certain things like
â€˜You block out what I'm saying,
For you've heard these cries before
The price, you keep on paying,
For you could not love me moreâ€™
â€˜You send my body sailing,
As you smash me to the ground
You're deafened by my wailing,
Then left begging for a soundâ€™
The first of these two stanzas (stanza two in your piece) is my favourite of all. Not only is it so real, but I particularly like the last two lines of it â€˜The price, you keep on payingâ€™ because I just like what youâ€™ve done, and I find it clever, and â€˜For you could not love me moreâ€™ for its tone, and delivery.
P.S. Thanks for your comments on my poem â€˜These Stars Are Our Starsâ€™. I do usually try to make my rhymes as clever and unexpected as possible.