Comments : Liar

  • 16 years ago

    by FridusBlueheaven

    Flawless poem, I really liked the word you pick. Well written and very enjoyable read. 5/5

  • 16 years ago

    by Hawaiizang3l

    I can relate!! ..the flow & rhyming was very good! very constant, not rocky at all. Arent boys funny....they are so indecisive!!

    Take care -n- keep it up!

  • 16 years ago

    by crystaljean88

    Hey
    i rlly liked this poem. i know the feelin. the 2nd stanza is muh favorite n i think its holds a lot of emotions.great poem 5/5

  • 16 years ago

    by Pete

    I do like a good sad poem. I think you get your emotion across nicely in this piece. You're really putting your heart on the line in this poem, and it shows. You really bring the reader into your mindset here, as many people are able to relate to the emotions you portray.

    You seemed to struggle a little bit with the rhyming, as you used the same rhyme a couple of times. It takes a bit away from the poem, I would have a look at that if I were you.
    "Its a completely new me...
    You'd be able to see."
    "So don't say you love me...
    Through your lies I couldn't see."

    On the whole though this is a very emotional and (I'm sure) personal piece for you. You get your point across nicely with strong images. That tiny problem is the only thing I would work on.

    Nice work overall, I enjoyed reading it. Thanks for sharing.

    ~Pete.

  • 16 years ago

    by The Queen

    WoAh..kEep uP thAt aTtituDe guRl....hahAhAh..i loVed tHe wHoLe pOem...tHe flOw wUs aWesOme aNd i feLt tHe aNgeR fEeLin beHiNd tHe wOrdz...tHisS pOem sUitS weLL wiT mE aNd mY X...he wAntEd tO cOme bAck aNd tRied reAl hArd bUt sOrRy baBy theRez nO tuRniN Aack nOw..diE tO tHe LiAr...opZz..iM bAd..hehEhe..GoOd jOb...5/5

  • 16 years ago

    by FlawlesslyTarnished

    The flow was a bit rocky here and there, but besides that this was an amazing piece. I really got into the poem, for it caught my attention. :] and this is a very relateable poem, and i get what your goin through. .

    "You don't usually try this hard
    To get the girl you desire.
    Too bad we'd never work
    Its a shame you're a liar."

    -my favorite lines. :] 5/5.

  • 16 years ago

    by sexyCheckers

    "You don't usually try this hard
    To get the girl you desire.
    Too bad we'd never work
    Its a shame you're a liar."

    I can relate to this; Maybe not the way that you've intended to write this poem.. But ugh like.. Eh doesnt matter...

    Great poem...!!!

    5/5

  • 16 years ago

    by Lemma

    Bing bang boom! Girl power or what?! Love the pace and rhyme in this one, it really adds to the "so there" attitude of the poem. My favourite stanza:

    "I've changed since you left
    Its a completely new me.
    If you opened your eyes
    You'd be able to see."

    Brilliant. =)

    5/5

    Em xXx

  • 16 years ago

    by Jodie Phillips

    This poem is brilliant i love simple poems that just say everything you feel....i can relate to it.....pukka...

  • 16 years ago

    by oNice

    So many of these stanzas were written brilliantly. Great job! 5/5
    -oNice

  • 16 years ago

    by Jesse

    Woo i know who this poem is about...and i really agree that it has good flow, but my one critiscism is that it doesn't really climax or whatever, it kinda just runs, which is good, but i think you could put a bit more emphasis on the end, or have a crescendo happening.
    much luv tunaly!
    =)

  • 16 years ago

    by nobody truly knows me

    Omg i can relate with this so much!!!! very good job, i love it. definitly a 5, and going in my faves. good flow, and u put ur emotions into it pretty well. excellent poem.

  • 16 years ago

    by Michelle18

    Oh my goodness..this poem is amazing... i love it...

    it reminds me of my ex... everything reminded me of him... he was a liar and he messed our relationship up..and he tried so hard to get me back...i fell for it before..but now i finally let him go..

    absolutely loved it. flow and rhyming were flawless. 5/5

  • 16 years ago

    by Sara

    Wow!! i love this poem. it really reminds me of one of my ex's. but this is very good! i can totally relate to it. =) <3

  • 16 years ago

    by SCARECROW

    "You always make a mess
    Then hide from consequence."
    My favorite line in this poem, by far~
    A good write, nice flow throughout!!!

  • 16 years ago

    by Mello193

    Amazingly great poem. Perfect in every way....perfect flow and everything else!

  • 16 years ago

    by noha

    Waw u r great ,nice work, i love it

  • 16 years ago

    by Beautiful Forever

    The flow and rhythm to this poem was amazing! The word choice and concept were also great! 5/5! Great poem :)

  • 16 years ago

    by BlueEyedMystery

    I'm drawing the line
    Don't mess with my heart.
    You've done it before
    You tore us apart.
    ^^I think that stanza rhymed really well. I get the feeling of defensiveness. Like you're gaurding your heart with all you've got and you're definitely not letting him hurt you again.

    Tell me one thing
    What were you expecting?
    I'm not taking you back
    My reputation needs protecting.
    ^^I thought the last line to this stanza felt a little forced. Like you needed something to rhyme so you just made due instead of saying what you really wanted to.

    I've changed since you left
    Its a completely new me.
    If you opened your eyes
    You'd be able to see.
    ^^The flow was okay on this one. I felt like you've gone through this really big change, and the other person can't or doesn't want to see the change.

    You made me who I am now
    Unable to trust anyone.
    Just leave me alone
    For enough has been done.
    ^^oooh. I really liked this one. The flow was great. I felt anger from this one. Like you're pissed off at from for changing you, and you never want to see him again.

    Who do you think you are
    Making decisions for me?
    You no longer have that right
    So just let me be free.
    ^^The last line seemed forced again, BUT I loved the emotion in this stanza. Rage, anger. What right does he have to tell you what to do?

    My hearts no longer yours
    So don't say you love me.
    I've fallen for that once
    Through your lies I couldn't see.
    ^^The flow was really rocky in this stanza. I think it's your syllables.

    You always make a mess
    Then hide from consequence.
    Leaving broken hearts
    Shattering my defence.
    ^^This one was very awkward to read. I think it's the syllables again, and the rhymes definitely felt forced. I liked your words in it though. They were very descrptive.

    But not this time around
    For I am standing strong.
    We don't belong together
    I've known it all along.
    ^^I like how the girl is so strong in this stanza. She's not going to give in, but the last line confused me. If she knew they didn't belong together all along, why was she with him in the first place?

    But I don't understand
    Why you even bother.
    What makes me special
    More special than any other?
    ^^This one is kind of sad, because the girl doesn't think she's special. Bother and other don't really rhyme either. I don't think you should fix it though because then you're now saying what you really want to.

    You don't usually try this hard
    To get the girl you desire.
    Too bad we'd never work
    Its a shame you're a liar.
    ^^This one is my absolute favorite stanza! ^.^ Especially that last line. I hate liars, so haha. I thought it flowed really well too. The guy seems really desprate. Hehe.

    Hope this comment helps! ^.^

    Keep writing!
    Cayce

  • 16 years ago

    by CWG

    This poem is incredible. And I can feel the emotion in it. You may like one of my new ones its called LIES. Again great job. 5/5