Karina

by Zetzue   Feb 5, 2008


You broke my heart,

split it in two!

I told you,

I loved,

you paid no mind.

I cared for you,

you did not.

You stabbed my back,

talking to your girls.

Now all I can do

is start hating you

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Latest Comments

  • Very nice :) keep writing

  • Dude, I think it is an awsome poem. But from experience..... don't keep loving her if she won't return it... you will only hurt yourself further and feel that knife in your heart for a longer period of time. The last girl I tried to hold onto like that, now hate my guts because of it. Just a word of advice.
    However I love the poem but I would consider some of the changes suggested by Letty.

  • 16 years ago

    by Letty

    Great Job on being more serious! This poem was actually very good. It could use a little editing though. First thing you should do is use actual words instead of letters and numbers; the use of letters and numbers takes away from the sentimental value of the poem. The second thing you should do is capitalize any single I, these should always be capitalized. The third thing that needs to be done is the adding of punctuation. Punctuation is a plus when a reader is reading poetry; it helps them know where to pause or it tells the action of the sentence. The last thing I would do is try to tighten it up a bit because the flow is a little off. For example, try this:

    You broke my heart,

    Split it in two.

    I truly love you,

    And I want your love too!

    But I know you don't love me

    When I say the words,

    You don't even reply.

    I really do care for you,

    Hoped you'd care for me with time.

    But you talked behind my back,

    To your two best friends.

    Now all I can do,

    Is try to get over you.

    You don't have to write it exactly that way; these are just suggestion. You really did do a good job here. I love the concept (meaning), and I believe that once you edit it I will feel more emotion. I wish you luck on your editing; and I thank you for take the time to write some serious poetry. LOL.

    Good Luck!

    Letty