I think this is a great start to a poem, but it can go soooo much farther if your want it to. Vague poems can be a fine way to go, meaning, you don't have to use specific examples of what you are talking about. However, with vague poems especially, that is the time to totally load up on rhitorical devices like figurative langauge, similes, metaphors, personification, syntax, iorny, diction, alliteration, assonance, etc, the list goes on. If you don't know what these are, a google search might help out a bit. I am by no means saying your poem is bad, and I hope you don't think I am, I just think you can take it SOOO much farther if you decided you wanted to. It will deepen the emotions that you already have embedded into your words.

Your pretty good.
You go into depeth.
You should lengthen your poems some more.

I think it's great but that's probably just cause i'm EMO right...jk

Haha. Thanks Robert. I love you just the same.