Comments : Sorrow

  • 15 years ago

    by Lonely Rider

    "Sometimes I feel at home and then I dont.
    What else is in this world but only sorrow?
    I dont know of anything else but sorrow. "

    ^^ you have tried to depict a lot of sadness through these lines but the repetion of sorrow was a little off...

    "It follows me every day and every night
    it hunts my dreams and yet i have no one there to get rid of it.
    But then i dont want anyone to. "

    ^^sad tale... sadness is haunting indeed ... i would suggest try removing the unnecessary I's

    the structure of the next stanza didnt matched the first ... may be you wanted it to be that way... but it threw the rhythem off...

    I felt too much use of sorrow ... you can try replacing them with other synonyms... try removing filler words ... that should help i guess...

    overall I loved a emotions benind the poem... a good attempt