Comments - Congratulations you broke my heart

deshanique brown at 2012-04-12

It was fair if u ask me

marilyn marti ( F P C D ) at 2012-04-12

This poem was very genuine to me :) i liked it alot. except for a couple rhyme issues it was perfect!

Xanthe ( F P C D ) at 2012-04-12

For me, the beginning flowed coolly, but as I read to the middle, it became quite shaky.I know it's hard to write in rhymed form, usually I only do that when I don't feel lazy haha.

"She made me fall for her then slowly sucked
my life
I wanted to believe her words but i hate to
be blind
I can't take this anymore but i can't throw
away my heart
I decided to run away leaving everything
behind"
I like these lines the best. Shows how she's hurt you, yet you're not giving in to the pain. And this was when you stopped rhyming. I think you should write more in free verse, your words and emotions would flow better, i think..

"Along with a word for her
'Congratulations you broke my heart'"
Not a really powerful ending to be honest. And I don't think that's 'a word' ;)

Overall, a really emotional piece. I've never been betrayed (at least not in that way) but I felt the pain, and the will to keep strong and move on. I hope you do.. Keep writing :)

-X

[ Praised by Max | Approved by Sherry Lynn ]

Rihanna Babez ( F P C D ) at 2012-04-13

Awwww!

I hate to feel like i want to cry
Cause that feeling reminds me of a lie
She said i need you and i want you to be mine

^
Aww I know that feeling!
Feeling like you just want to break down and cry because she lied and said I want you to be mine. it hurts when you fall for lies and then realizing everything was all just a game

She said you own my heart and occupy my mind
She said i love you and i think of you all the time
How could i know it was just a lie?
how could i know that she manipulated my mind?
How could i know she was going to break my heart?

^
She lied and said my heart you own and she thinks of you all the time. Then you question yourself how could you fall for her lies knowing that in the end she'll break your heart.

She made me fall for her then slowly sucked my life
I wanted to believe her words but i hate to be blind
I can't take this anymore but i can't throw away my heart
I decided to run away leaving everything behind
Along with a word for her
"Congratulations you broke my heart"

^
Wow! I loved this part of the poem!
She made you fall for her lying games, and you wanted to believe her lies but you were to blind. And all you wanted to do is walk away from it all and leaving a message to her saying " congratulations you broke my heart"!

What a sad beautiful way to end it
I really enjoyed this poem because I can relate to this in a way, the person you thought loved you is just messing with your mind and telling you lies and in the end they plan on breaking your heart:/

Really sad powerful poem
That was penned great!!

Great job 5/5

[ Praised by Max | Approved by Sherry Lynn ]

avery ( F C ) at 2012-04-13

Good job very deep emotions

crishmerl ( F P C D ) at 2012-04-17

I rate this 5/5...when i saw the title of your poem.."Congratulations you broke my heart"...seems to be happy but deep inside it was bleeding=)ow, nice one

ForeverInLove at 2012-05-04

Your poem was very touching, you was able to explain some deep feeling in a open and misunderstable way. Keep writing that way :)

Amber ( F C ) at 2012-05-14

This is a wonderful poems very well written


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