Comments : Jealousy

  • 9 years ago

    by BlueJay

    I am glad someone nominated this piece for two reasons. The first being, I never would have found it if they didnt and the second, it is really good. I really like the descriptions you chose and your flow worked out really well too. Nice write.

  • 9 years ago

    by Meena Krish

    A reader can pick out some in depth meaning behind some of the lines. Its heartfelt and reaches out to the reader. Nicely penned and congrats on the win.

  • 9 years ago

    by Baby Rainbow

    Such imagery in this poem! What a lot of creativity it holds, I can see why this won, well done for the win.

    I think the poem holds tones of sadness, but also of inspiring messages, like:

    One should only seek darkness
    when light has abandoned them.

    - I think sometimes we fall into the pattern of accepting the darkness, and therefore we never make room for the light.

    I think your title is strong, because jealousy can be so bitter, and can consume the soul into a much deeper darkness. It can change a person.

    You have worded this poem well. I enjoyed reading it.

    Well done.

  • 9 years ago

    by Poet on the Piano

    Powerful poem! So much depth in this piece and conflicting emotions... like you are experiencing loneliness and self-doubts, and feel forgotten and alone, like this is the only path now. The metaphor with the apple core really stays with the reader.

    Congrats on the win!

  • 9 years ago

    by Poet on the Piano

    Judging comment:

    The opening metaphor with the rotten core of an apple set such a sad tone, like you have already established your self-worth, and you don't believe that your heart has potential for a love that can grow and learn. I liked how you brought in the aspects of sweetness and sugar, asking that this person not hold that expectation of you. There was that sense of honesty, as well as realizing you cannot be that example of happiness or glee right now. The "use me" part was heartbreaking though, especially with the lines afterward of "one should only seek darkness when light has abandoned them". It's like you have given up on yourself to the point where you are saying, here, take my dignity, take all that's left. But I think there's always a way out of the darkness, you don't have to fully succumb to it. Then the piece almost took a softer tone when you advised this person I assume you care greatly about, to not seek you, because you will only bring them down. And maybe the title keys in here with a jealous attitude, that you are trying to distance yourself from this person, this love, for the better, as maybe there are others you believe would help and encourage this person. I felt sacrifice in this piece and also brokenness, that you can't realize the good in you. We all may have rotten parts yes, but those don't define us. A truly moving piece. (7)