Comments : Once Upon A Bridge

  • 9 years ago

    by cassie hughes

    This is great, so descriptive it feels as if I am there actually witnessing the scene and the ending... Such sadness. Wow!

  • 9 years ago

    by Beautiful Soul

    How heartbreaking :(. But it is very well written overall. For me anytime anyone uses "once" at the beginning of a title or sentence, there is a story coming along. I feel like this could read as a story. Each stanza does flow well with the next, the imagery is stunning as well. From the first two stanzas, you are fearful. But that to me brings intrigue to the rest of the story. Since there is traffic, you are outside. That is clear, and saying zoom is great because it goes well with you falling to the ground, meaning you are standing. Then falling to your knees with fear. That makes the reader wanting to read more.

    That's when the plot comes together, the scream of sorrow. Not being able to do anything about it at all. The picture you paint here is well, you did not stray from the story at all. Though sadness does flow through it. Suicide is a tough subject for anyone to talk or write about. It's somewhat foreign here. The ending is true, because you don't realize it until it actually happens. Very emotional but great write. Xo.

  • 9 years ago

    by Meena Krish

    This write is so descriptive and moving. It keeps the reader on edge as sorrow fills and tragedy plastered into the eyes of the onlookers..a touching write with vivid imagery.

  • 9 years ago

    by Maple Tree

    I apologize Saffie- I am speechless...

    I've got to add more here... I relate to this poem and you have created such an outstanding visual display so that the reader can get a bit closer to your feelings and emotions.. I admire that and am truly touched by this piece.

  • 9 years ago

    by Hannah Lizette

    When I read this in the club, my heart literally hurt. You captured so much imagery and emotion throughout, you really took the reader to the scene right after the tragedy. The tragedy itself was that this woman, possibly a family member or close friend or maybe you were just a bystander that seen her on the ledge and tried to talk her out of it, committed suicide by jumping off a bridge.

    The scene starts afterwards, the imagery you chose made me feel like I was there with you, hearing the traffic zooming by, watching you collapse in shock and hearing her screams as everyone stands by in complete disbelief that they just watched this woman jump to her death. The sound of her body hitting the water is a sound that will haunt you for the rest of your life. It is not only traumatizing for you, but it also brings out a sense of guilt because you will always ask yourself questions about what you could've done/said differently, that maybe if you done this, she'd still be alive.

    I really like the usage of historic bridge because it can be taken two different ways, it could be that the bridge is actually historic... or that now it is historic because it will always be known as the bridge that a woman jumped off of.

    With her tragic death, you realize for the first time how quickly a life can be taken from this world. All it takes is a split second decision and it will end. It's ironic how a tragedy like this makes everyone think about life a little more, it reminds us that we aren't invincible and that our days are numbered.

    Tragically beautiful poem! Thanks for participating! <3

  • 9 years ago

    by Sylvia

    Nothing other than WOW!!! Powerful words and message.

  • 9 years ago

    by Maple Tree

    This poem stands out above the rest this week. To write about a tragic loss is difficult
    To do, and then to craft it into a flowing poem, with rhythmic intensity is mind blowing and Saffie
    Has totally blown me away this week! She wraps her heartfelt sadness and emotions from start to finish in this poem. Truly a heart gripping and well written poem, well done Saffie!