Comments : Inside the lines

  • 9 years ago

    by gumshuda

    Like I said...i love your poems...absolutely adore them...and oh lol...just wait till April.. :p
    I'll nominate this on Monday..

    • 9 years ago

      by Meme

      Well, April April I shall await your arrival :P

  • 9 years ago

    by gumshuda

    Oh so you go for poetic...alliteration specifically.....in your comments too....even more wonderful.....wow...

    Haha....i've for a lot to learn from you... :)

  • 9 years ago

    by Simon Hayes

    I feel the sense of longing deep within... a gentle poem, wonderfully done.

    -SiE

    • 9 years ago

      by Meme

      Thank you SiE :)

  • 9 years ago

    by PorcelainMoon

    A lovely weekend read

  • 9 years ago

    by Maple Tree

    Just beautiful Meme, very touching and well deserved win!!!!

    • 9 years ago

      by Meme

      Thank you Maple :)

  • 9 years ago

    by Larry Chamberlin

    Beautiful and effortless, Meme. Congratulations on the win.

    The title is cleverly drawn (pun intended) and your imagery vividly depicted. I'm glad you did not succumb to the temptation of listing all the primaries; the choices you made are much more meaningful: blue (connotes sadness yet depth), red (yearning and passion), white (purity but also death), black (emptiness yet profundity) and gray (murkiness yet unknowing). The final call to take up the task impossible for you both shows tender vulnerability.

    This win was well deserved!

    • 9 years ago

      by Meme

      I love it when you comment on my poems, I feel like you got the concept of my piece. I chose those colors putting in mind the same thing as you wote. So it seems that I managed to convey my point to the reader.

      Thank you, Larry!

  • 9 years ago

    by Sam

    Beautiful poem, Meme. It is simple, yet it isn't. It reminds me of a song that I heard years ago, about something that pertains to religion. They used all of these colors, plus yellow. At least I think they did. Utterly pointless information, but still applies somewhat I guess...in my mind.

    I liked how you used the color of white in this poem. Usually, people associate "purity" with the color white, you used it in such a way as to not indicate that. I like how you did that, even if it wasn't intentional.

    My favorite stanza would probably be the last one. It gave off a helpless feeling to it, like you wanted to fix something, but you didn't know how. It has a lot of emotion to it, a lot more than the other stanzas, and is a beautiful ending to a beautiful poem.

    Well deserving of a win.

    • 9 years ago

      by Meme

      Thank you for your comment Sam, I appreciate it a lot!

  • 9 years ago

    by Baby Rainbow

    This is one of my favourite writes from you, I love how you packed so much into the poem, and managed to split the structure over just stanzas of 3 small lines each. It worked really well and blended in nicely with just having one colour per stanza, with one metaphor for each.

    I also liked how deeply and personally you were able to connect the colours to emotions, what a great job!

    I think the creative idea of colouring in, and your title of "inside the lines" was very well thought out, I do not know if you were setting out to do this, or it just came out that way, but I loved it. It made it unique, and the content of the poem is so relatable.

    On your last stanza:

    I know you can't hold the
    pencil, I know I cant too.
    But please try for us, just
    color me and you.

    "cant" in the second line should be can't. You have placed the apostrophe in the first one, so I assume you would want it in the second one too!

    I really like how you closed the poem with trying to colour the two people in, but giving the control over to the other person, I think it implies more about the relationship and the desire to want someone, but unsure how much they want you. The tone of the poem is like a desperate plea for them to love you, and to keep the relationship together and to work.

    Argh, there is so much I can say about this one, I do really love it.

    One of your best!
    Congrats also!

    • 9 years ago

      by Meme

      Thank you for the comment Saff, I always enjoy your interpretation of my poems.

  • 9 years ago

    by Jyoti Rawat

    Nice poem

    i love to read it

  • 9 years ago

    by gumshuda

    Congratulations... memo :p

    • 9 years ago

      by Meme

      Thanks purvi :)

  • 9 years ago

    by gumshuda

    Congratulations... memo :p

  • 9 years ago

    by PiggyPie

    Really love the last verse. Great job! (:

  • 9 years ago

    by BlueJay

    Judging Comment

    The creativity in this piece, taking an old phrase "Color outside the lines" and twisting it into something so much more personal and even more inspiring than the usual optimism as this piece is heartrending while still holding on to a sense of hope that innately lies within all of us. Her use of colors is simple enough to allow each reader to determine the shade for themselves while still being vivid enough to set the scene and tell the story. Meme pours her heart out in a way that most modern poets are afraid of; she writes a universal, well formed, silk-flowing, simple read that still manages to capture its audience. The final stanza especially blows them away.

    • 9 years ago

      by Meme

      I loved your comments, thank you :)

  • 9 years ago

    by Baby Rainbow

    Meme has used a variety of colours along with metaphors to portray her message inside this write this week, and it worked very well indeed. Each stanza was short and clear, adding an extra point to her story each time. The title was also very creative, as it refers to staying inside the lines of colouring in a picture on paper. The ending was a great way to end, showing that mindset of what the author is really hoping for within the situation.