Comments : Utakata Hanabi

  • 9 years ago

    by Beautiful Soul

    I remember that July 24 afternoon one yesteryear
    as Giant Brocade Crowns bloom in the night sky--
    ephemeral, transient, short-lived,
    a dew caressing evening Primroses,
    they are.

    ^ I love the beginning of the dashiel, you paint such a beautiful picture for the reader. I love how you set a certain date too. It makes the poem more personal in a lot of ways, but it also makes the readers want to know more about what this character is thinking.

    I remember your firework-enraptured face
    in times like this.
    And I can hear the far-away
    and lonely sound of ohayashi
    like the finite symphonies of summer days.
    The fireflies fly to the summer skies
    and vow to never return.
    Still, it was you who made
    those distant echoes of 'Aishiteru' seem lovely.

    ^ What beautiful emotions you have poured into this stanza! We tend to all react differently in this situation and you want to remember all the good times. This seems to be in past tense and you are living in a memory of a beautiful scene. A lovely scene that entitles love and sadness to mix together.

    People wearing yukata and geta pass me by.
    The festival at the end of August is ending soon.
    And I begin to feel sad;
    the fluttering voices make me want
    to see you right now.

    It's been three years now,

    but I want you to know...

    I still hear those distant echoes of 'Aishiteru'

    ^ what a beautiful and heartfelt ending dashiel. People are walking by you and you seem to be in a daze, because all you want is that person with you, and you hear the echoes of I love you. Overall this poem holds emotions, and sadness. Great write. 5/5