Comments : Transparent

  • 8 years ago

    by Meme

    Reminded me of the song "all of me" ...
    There is a melodic melancholy in your piece, it attracts the reader and draws a picture of love and lose...

    "Its not the fact you don't see me at all,
    its your eyes that reveal my outline but fails to see my soul,'..
    ^^
    Thise lines chocked me. It is so hard when the one you love looks at you but fails to see you...

    One note, second stanza "barley" should be "barely"

    Nominated for sure <3

  • 8 years ago

    by DarkLight

    Nominated.
    5/5

  • 8 years ago

    by JaneDoeWrites

    Wow Tony, this is great. The pain of wanting to love someone and give all of yourself to them is intense... my favorite lines

    "I can count on one hand how many times Ive fell in love although my fingers would remain buried inside my palm"

    like, WHAT. That is seriously so powerful.

    The only thing I would say to fix is I believe you meant to write "breathe" and not "breath"... Another great write as always :)

  • 8 years ago

    by Ben Pickard

    I agree with Crystal: That "I could count on one hand line" is pure gold.