Hello Miranda and a warm welcome to the site.
Whenever somebody joins and can rhyme as well as this, it pleases me greatly - there aren't enough good rhyming poems floating around here, but this is one. It displays a real knack and has a great flow to it.
I really enjoyed this dark piece, but my only suggestion would be to drop the constant use of capitals; in my opinion, it detracts from an excellent piece.
Well done and keep writing,
Ben