Comments : A Place Where Hopes Die

  • 7 years ago

    by Lune de ma vie

    First let me say that the title really caught my attention straight away while scanning through your poems. Now as I go into it I will break it down by each stanza.

    I've spent my life dancing
    to the beats of a dying heart.
    Searching for joy within
    his slowly fading notes,
    until it played a silent symphony:
    the best he has ever played.
    ^"I've spent my life dancing to the beats of a dying heart." Truly and utterly powerful, sent shivers down my spine, a powerful way to etch the readers minds to your feelings. Transitioning into a melodic lyrical sentencing structure so beautifully entwined like a memory from a dream, a beautiful yet sorrowful song.

    I've spent days straying
    into the deep space,
    for hours wandering with no aim,
    yet felt not a dull moment,
    as the darkness had a beauty
    that easily captured me.
    ^The mourning and longing for some kind of light, a hand to hold you up and help you out of the darkness yet, at the same time you've found beauty within the darkness which has captured you in this frame of mind - empty emotions allowing the beauty of the darkness consume you.

    loud silence then awakens me
    from that dangerous dream.
    Saving a heart that dared to dream,
    until he became sickened by his own hopes.
    ^Wow I love this stanza, so creative so wildly unique. The play of words is really amazing and very strong and stern in it's approach to the reader. It just hits you, bam! Really grips you in the most stunning way.

    A bright light leads me
    to a place where I found joy
    long lost from my heart.
    A land where all hopes die.
    A land where dreams are eternal.
    ^This reminds me of the final breaths of life, as we move onto the other side. This is graceful and lovely, a marvelous way to end this sorrowful poem with a hint of hope and light.

    5/5

  • 7 years ago

    by Em

    Moe, I really liked this piece.

    I've spent my life dancing
    to the beats of a dying heart.
    Searching for joy within
    his slowly fading notes,
    until it played a silent symphony:
    the best he has ever played.
    ^^
    A very deep, dark opening. The imagery is wonderful. I can imagine you dancing around to broken hearts all over the world whilst searching for joy.

    I've spent days straying
    into the deep space,
    for hours wandering with no aim,
    yet felt not a dull moment,
    as the darkness had a beauty
    that easily captured me.
    ^^
    Love this stanza. Many people could relate to this, wondering around like a lost soul searching something to u'll them out of the darkness but the darkness not prepared to let us go.

    loud silence then awakens me
    from that dangerous dream.
    Saving a heart that dared to dream,
    until he became sickened by his own hopes.
    ^^
    Wow. When we set our hopes too high we always feel we will fail BUT it's to always the case. We need to be stronger and pull ourselves through.

    A bright light leads me
    to a place where I found joy
    long lost from my heart.
    A land where all hopes die.
    A land where dreams are eternal.
    ^^
    Such a powerful ending. It seems you are ending the poem on some optimism which is always good.

    Em