Comments : Sins Will Lay

  • 17 years ago

    by sibyllene

    Yeah, it's short, but that doesn't have to mean anything. I think it has potential. The advice I can give is this: Think of a title. They can definitely enhance the poem, and when a poem is so short, a title can put the whole things into perspective. Also, I don't think the last line is on par with the first three. In my opinion, a good last line can make or break the effectiveness of a poem. If there's a way you could keep the rhyme, while making it more interesting and powerful, I think that would "make" the poem.

    Also, I really like the line "Where sins will lay..." That's cool.

    Good work!