Submission date : 2008-08-01
Last edit : 2009-01-04
blankheart ( F P C D )
"She sits on an old tire swing,
Thinking of the memories she's lost,
Things she did, and things she didn't,
She knew she had to suffer a cost"
^^wow this is a fantasic first stanza.
"No one to love her,
No one to care,
And she knew
That no one would ever be there"
^^ this one's meter isn't quite right but the words are good.
"She has gone numb
After all these years,
With no love;
Scars left as souvenirs"
^^i love the last line.
"She's finally understood,
What love can do,
A feeling you learn to love,
Something so new"
^^this is a really good stanza. the meter is perfect and the words are amazing.
"But it tears you apart
If you let it be
Pain you suffer inside
Where no one can see"
^^this one's my favourite. the words work well together and it's so true!!
"Heart shattered in two,
It aches inside
But she has no one to tell,
No one to confide"
^^ i feel like i'm repeating myself. this stanza is real good
As that girl sits on an old tire swing,
I finally admit it's me;
Inside I am broke,
Though only I can see.
^^ i love the use of the old tire swing and the girl finally admiting its you.
overall this poem is fantastic but so sad.