UpDown

by StandStill

I can whisper to you all my
inequities and
dependencies if only
you would

comealittlecloser.

I do believe I'm dying
just to hear your heartbeat
from
seven.....thousand........miles..........away......

.....................riding.........roller............up..
We keep on.............this........coaster..........and

d
o
w
n

I think I'm a tad
miffed because of
all the feather ruffling
you've been doing to my nest.

Let it
d
...r
....o
......p

so we can start again.

I could whisper all of my
insecurities
and scrutinies
if only
you would hear me.

Submission date : 2009-05-07

Visits : 3588

Votes : 16

Rating : 4.5

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Latest comments

iRobbiee ( F C D ) at 2010-08-29

Very creative and different.. I like this poem because its just different.

rose blooming ( F P C D ) at 2011-08-26

Very interesting form. I liked it. The wording was great. I enjoyed reading it. The only change you might make is:
"comealittlecloser." separate the words out.
Other then that it is a great poem.

5/5

mello193 ( F P C D ) at 2012-04-01

This was amazing. i like how you made it look to add a such emotion to the lines, you are a brilliant writer, great job ^u^

-193