Autumn's Dream

by RaniaMoallem aka Ms SunShine

Dancing with sweet feminism,
above cemeteries of barren fields.
Inhaling a bitter scent of pessimism,
as my feet step over fallen leaves.

Arrogant gust recoloring dreams;
green to orange as yellow beams.
From deep inside the arid lands,
cold nips the warmth of my hands.

Steeped within this golden view
with all my senses remembering you
Consolation yet, refills my heart
as autumn begs spring to start..

Swaying around, with sweetness still
I sink deep within the yellowish hill
continuously breathing in hope until
Autumn dreams fall out of thrill..

By: Rania Moallem

 

Submission date : 2010-09-04
Last edit : 2011-01-11

Visits : 3536
Votes : 12
Rating : 4.9

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Latest comments

Jad ( F P C D ) at 2010-09-08

I really liked this poem a lot. You have turned Autumn into seemingly a person who is waiting for there loved one to come which would be winter. A lovely piece with vivid images and great imagery.

"Arrogant gust recoloring dreams
green to orange as yellow beams
From deep inside the arid lands,
cold nips the warmth of my hands"

This line really stood out to me, as it gave a beautiful image to the reader and at the end of it gave a bit of sadness as well. A greatly penned piece from beginning to end. Good job and keep writing.

[ Praised by RaniaMoallem aka Ms SunShine | Approved by Ex-Moderator ]

Lana ( F C ) at 2010-09-09

Really good opening stanza, you managed to paint the picture of autumn without actually saying the word. Hinting at it was very clever.

Arrogant gust recoloring dreams
green to orange as yellow beams
From deep inside the arid lands,
cold nips the warmth of my hands


^^^^

This has got to be my favourite stanza, especially the first line, I just loved the use of the word 'arrogant' very descriptive.

Your third and 4th stanza were both descriptive and creative with this line grabbing my attention.

as autumn begs spring to start..

^^^

love it.

Overall, very enjoyable read. 5/5

[ Praised by RaniaMoallem aka Ms SunShine | Approved by Ex-Moderator ]

Kuro ( F P C D ) at 2010-09-11

A perfect poem to bring in the fall season. i loved the eloquence of the vocabulary here. it painted a soft, yet brilliant picture. i may actually favorite this. well done and thank you for sharing

~Kuro

Ric Hansen at 2010-09-16

TICKLES THE SENSES....SURREAL.....COLORFULLY CHARMING

GrammaConcept ( F C ) at 2010-10-01

Reading your work continues to be like watching a mythological being awakening, stretching
and singing in some mystical dialect....
I do believe you could write fairy tales...



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