The obsession...

by Amreen

Enveloped in the shadows of barriers,
my conscience searches for freedom,
Oh this soul fractured by the cruelty of the prison,
indeed want to smell the freedom...

I see through the holes of the gloomy cage I reside in,
the beauty of life,
my heart clings to the smiles splurged around,
but I am deprived of this joy of life...

My eyes want to explore the bright rays of sunshine,
and awe at the beauty of nature,
my heart wants to catch the coolness of the night,
and eye the moonlight which illuminates the crater...

My heart wants to sing the melodies of nightingale,
my soul wishes to embrace the freshness of roses,
my smile wishes to consume the hardworking nature possessed by bees,
and settle happiness on dull and sad faces...

Oh I wish this gloominess could leave my shelter!
I wish my soul and heart could conspire,
burying this abode of congestion,
I wish, then I could spread my wings and land into the land of desires...

Oh when I would live the blissful freedom,
my mind would be filled with dilemma,
Of which aspect to quench first,
As every nook would seem a beautiful life here...

[ Written for a club challenge by brittany]

 

Submission date : 2011-10-12
Last edit : 2012-09-25

Visits : 910
Votes : 12
Rating : 4.8

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Latest comments

Roses and lilys ( F P C D ) at 2011-10-25

I thought that it was an ok poem. I thought that it could have been a little better but it wasn't a bad poem. The wording was ok and the flow was a little off to me.
So I gave it a 4/5

Jessi ( F P C D ) at 2011-10-29

This Poem, To Me, Is Defenitally A 5/5. If It Was Possible It would Be Worth More Than Even That.
Your Wording Is Sensational And I Thought Your Flow Was Spot On.
Incredible Poem! .. :)
God Bless.
Jessi

Everlasting ( F C D ) at 2011-11-30

This poem is fine, I like it. I also notice that you use stanzas and they were organize o(^.^o) ( cheering expression lol) this made happy. I enjoyed more the poem.

Khalid ( F P C D ) at 2012-10-27

Great and though provoking piece. Each stanza gives an interesting story. I loved the four-line style you used. Awesome

Yakori Mohammed ( F P C D ) at 2012-10-28

This is just so terrific. I love the images it drew in my head. So clear and the subject of freedom is wonderfully portrayed. We always need to find a balance between our happiness and sadness. Holding onto negative emotions, destroys the outlook of our thoughts. One need to stay positive as to battle any sort of ill feelings, that may cloud us. Our actions need to be of hopeful renaissance even if we're nursing despair.

Lets try and hide our sad traits but we can pour out our hearts, without bottling it all in. However, such is a release of pangs of vague miseries and doesn't need to be a facade to lavish gloomy thoughts on. With a relentless faith, determination, positive energy and a light of hopeful existence. One can surely break free of choked feelings and move on.

Freedom is our identify and we should always claim it. A great write and read. I really love this. Cheerio! A 5 as always.. :-) ..



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