Erosion

by Hannah Lizette   Apr 7, 2014


For the past two hours,
I've listened to the
clock tick and paced
the floors of my mind
until suddenly,
I shot a bullet hole
through the window
of my soul -

painting my skin
translucent and
burying the rest
of my hopes with
the conversations
we kept locked
inside a room
in hell with only
my name plastered
on the door.

-

You saw the erosion
of myself and said
my words were just
a side effect of
being human
and that one day,
I would thank you
for introducing
paper to the screams
that equal poetry.

Copyright 3014: Hannah K.

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Latest Comments

  • 9 years ago

    by Fear2love

    Wow, Im just speechless, you once again pull me in your poetry with words that paint pictures in my mind.

  • 9 years ago

    by Britt

    I've so missed your poetry while I was away! :)

    I love this ending. Everything about the entire poem had a beautiful image and I really enjoyed the pacing while reading..but that ending..

    LOVED it. I like that it says the words are just a side effect of being human. Isn't that the truth? I thought it sounded very spiritual to me - there are so many times I'll say something and know it was the "human" in me. This touched me, and I related to it so well. :)

  • 9 years ago

    by Baby Rainbow

    For the past two hours,
    I've listened to the
    clock tick and paced
    the floors of my mind
    until suddenly,
    I shot a bullet hole
    through the window
    of my soul -

    Wow Hannah what an opening. I can hear the clock ticking, and I can see you pacing the floor, as thoughts pace your mind. I can imagine the intensity of this anxiety and how time seems to be passing slowly and there seems to bet his mysterious build up of something, but we do not know what. The bullet through the soul is so powerful, I guess this would describe how painful it can be when perhaps we realise the truth that hurts. We feel we lose the truth we were holding onto, therefore lose a piece of ourselves.

    painting my skin
    translucent and
    burying the rest
    of my hopes with
    the conversations
    we kept locked
    inside a room
    in hell with only
    my name plastered
    on the door.

    - so much to take from this small stanza Hannah, your wording is just so incredible, each line only has 3 or 4 words, and yet every word is important! I feel loneliness in this part, where you have been with someone, but it feels as though they were never really there at all. To bury your hopes and dreams makes me think that you are ready to admit that things are not going to better any time soon.

    You saw the erosion
    of myself and said
    my words were just
    a side effect of
    being human
    and that one day,
    I would thank you
    for introducing
    paper to the screams
    that equal poetry.

    - loving the ending connecting to poetry, I adore the use of the word erosion here, both in the title and the last stanza. The fact it is yourself that is eroding adds and element of empathy to the reader with the author. Seems like poetry is an addiction now, a release for the inner thoughts which you always find yourself screaming out.

    I enjoyed this, your poetry always impresses me.

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