Moments

by Saerelune   Aug 8, 2014


He's zipped up your ribcage and swore
never to touch it again -

you left your heartbeat on shuffle,
not knowing what song would describe you.

He dances on the dunes of drunkenness
whilst screaming your name -

you cover your ears from the voices
inside of your head ...

and the two of you fit
like shards from the same bottle,

but trash will be trash,
and glass will still scar.

08-08-2014

** written for baby rainbow's august battle

4


Did You Like This Poem?

Latest Comments

  • 8 years ago

    by Milly Hayward

    I loved it what a wonderfully visual poem

  • 9 years ago

    by Poet on the Piano

    Judging comment:

    I always find this author's tone to be profound, and to create an almost startling atmosphere that speaks loudly to the reader. There is such a tangible sadness in this relationship, the abuse and allowing that abuse to continue. It reminds me of the lies we tell ourselves, the cycle of the man saying "I'm sorry" to the partner believing and convincing herself it won't happen again. Then, when it does, she may justify it or think she cannot escape it now. The image of this man zipping up her ribcage is so stark and personal, dangerous in that he has physically hurt her, possibly even life threatening. The vulnerability of her is obvious here as well, especially with her just wanting release from the voices in her head, maybe those that tell her she deserves this versus those that say she needs to get away. The ending is quite depressing but I like how clear you make it to the reader that they don't want help, this is the self-destructive path they chose and it gives this feeling of helplessness. That there will still be scars, and as long as they keep throwing away their identity instead of rebuilding it, these scenes will replay. Well-written. (4)

  • 9 years ago

    by Baby Rainbow

    Oh my goodness! I can't believe I never saw this poem until now.

    Straight away the title captured me, because I wondered where you would take the poem itself, and what road it would travel.

    I really like your layout, and how you give each moment its own space, like it happened, it remained in the past, and then a new moment came up. Only it resulted from the previous moment.

    The idea lingers that this is based on an abusive relationship, stemmed from him drinking and being unable to control his words or actions. The line of "zipped up your ribcage" is amazing! I love that. And then there is the promise of no repeat performance which straight away everyone will not believe.

    Another line I liked was the heart beat being on shuffle, for me, this represents the anxiety and fear that is always beating fast in your heart, worry and fear for the next moment.

    On another note - there is a lot inside this poem which could be taken to mean a self battle, someone battling their own destruction through drink, and what they do to themselves.

    Some very powerful images, and a really great write.

    congrats on the win.

  • 9 years ago

    by Abed

    Congrats.
    I looove this.

  • 9 years ago

    by Natalie

    You left your heartbeat on shuffle,
    not knowing what song would describe you.

    ^^^i really liked that part.

    great job

More Poems By Saerelune