Smoking Gun

by John Doe   Nov 14, 2014


Finally the fire's lit, I can sleep tonight,
I need some rest,I need to get away before daylight.
Ah! this cold,reminds me of my own town,
And a younger me,oh I was such a clown.

And inevitably, her memories flood me,
When we were young,callow,care-free.
When love was the only thing we needed,
when for every kiss, on my knees I pleaded.

And she,like a true mistress asked me to wait,
Control, I would get it if it's in my fate.
And I,would kiss her anyway,
together,under the stars we lay.

But those days,they already feel long gone,
Now I run, I hide, I dream all alone.
For I gave her a present she didn't deserve,
so coldly her next wish was served.

I still I wish, if I would have walked away,
then maybe,she could be here today.
But even with remorse, all I do is run,
for unsatisfied, is this smoking gun.

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Latest Comments

  • 9 years ago

    by Dancing Rivers

    Oh my wowness!!!! This poem is so beautiful!!!I love the poignant, melancholy tone, the atmosphere is rather light hearted at first, it brought a smile upon my face as the tone reminded me of when old people reminisce and the detail with which they describe their memories creates such vivid images and notions that one can't help but feel as though the memories were one's own.this is exactly how your poem made me feel!!!

    The tone towards the end is (for lack of a better word) slightly bitter, it's add though you are bitter towards this girl because she stole a great part of you away, yet you don't feel you can blame her so much because it was of your own doing and you feel resentment towards yourself and the situation, because let's face it, nobody likes to blame themselves.the rhyme scheme is really well executed, you've mixed the words order around in am interesting manner in order to make the poem rhyme, just be careful though that you don't over-do the word order thing especially with all the punctuation as it may cause a bit of a traffic-jam effect when reading the poem.
    Otherwise, thus is a brilliant write and I absolutely adore it!!! 5/5

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