Kindness past October

by Saerelune   Dec 22, 2014


I sometimes wonder
when I'll stop deleting myself,
bit by bit. Knowing that
my birth was a blessing;
my existence, a disaster.

I wasn't the kind of girl they expected
when life started kicking in the womb again.

I wasn't the kind of girl to be loved,
endlessly dreading October, dreading
another stamp to my scrapbook of failures.

There's no room for kindness in my heart,
but all of my sentences start with "I",
which makes me believe I'm too in love
with myself, my depression, blocking out
the warning signs of care around me.

But there's still no kindness during,
or past October: self-disgust holds me
like a hammerlock, not a lover.

And all I can do, is write, write,
write until all of this becomes a lie.

22-12-2014
4:40 PM

Just posting whatever vents I'm writing these days. Another FOP-challenge: writing a poem titled with words that start with the letters K, P and O.

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Latest Comments

  • 9 years ago

    by Baby Rainbow

    Saerelune highlights the loneliness and pain that can sometimes overtake a person and change their ways of thinking, and reacting to the world around them. The poem shows how it can consume oneself, and how depression can truly affect someone, and change the person they used to be. The poem is also written in a selfless expression of believing oneself to be selfish, resulting in the reader feeling connected to the content, because we are all guilty of being selfish sometimes. A very honest write.

  • 9 years ago

    by Duvnjak

    Beautiful, thank you for sharing it with us.

  • 9 years ago

    by BlueJay

    "And all I can do, is write, write,
    write until all of this becomes a lie"

    ^ This was not only a stunning conclusion but these lines really stuck with me. I agree that the title was amazing and very eye catching. The style and effortless feel are phenomenal and really draw the reader in. Nice job there. So many people can relate to this whether it's just bits and pieces or if it's the entire piece and that's a great skill very well utilized here.

    Nicely penned.

  • 9 years ago

    by Yakari Gabriel

    If this is how you vent, i don't wanna see how you write.

    you kill me softly

    <3

  • 9 years ago

    by Baby Rainbow

    This poem was really good and for some reason I found myself reading it again, and taking out parts of it and relating to it. I really feel this poem holds so much in it about depression and how it can feel sometimes, like you are alone, and no matter who is around you, you push them away.

    I really like your opening stanza, and how you mention deleting yourself bit by bit, like you do not want others to see this part of you, and you do not like it, so you push it all away, along with the people near you. Also, I like the way you worded your life, and existence, like your birth was the start, but you feel your life is not going the way you want it to, or the way others had hoped for you.

    You then go on to mention the title in the later stanza, and how even though the holiday season is upon you, it doesn't seem to change too much for you, or about you.

    I think many can relate to this poem, I know I did, and I feel it so true when you feel in the dark places, and you just do not like who you are, and what you feel you have become.

    Really powerful poem. Well done for creating this from the letter challenge too.

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