honestly? i think about you at least 72% of the day.
even at work, when i'm attending strangers and selling
happiness with exuberant smiles, i see you in my reflection-
i would not be here today if not for you. last week i asked
my parents if they were upset that i confided in you first,
but they stopped me mid-sentence, reminding me how you
saved my life, literally. was i your heaviest burden?
you made me stronger. and i know to some extent it was
my own will that pushed me forward, that helped me grow,
but you treated me like a human when i confessed to you
i was a savage... i believed i was without a soul.
i can hardly sleep without my unconscious requesting control,
these visions i know will never occur- my body wrapped safely
in yours while we sing every hymn we taught each other, in
the solitude of summer and neglected choir lofts where we
talked to God with sure hearts and fiery music. i can imagine
a life without you, but i'd be a fool to write that i don't rely
on you anymore. even though i restrain my fingers from dialing
your number, i still quietly call on your presence when
darkness runs to me as if it has no home to return to.
God gave us all choices but how can i step over these emotions?
they've overwhelmed me and everyday i'm relearning how not to drown...
how my soul can not be imbibed, how i can forgive the pain of
knowing
you may not be the one for me.
.
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Freewrite 2/14/15 @ 10:53 PM
Just needed to get emotions out.
