Fatal Lure

by cassie hughes   Mar 3, 2015


A swift intake of air,
Then draws the willing blade,
Across skin pale and fair,
Blossoms of blood displayed.

A hand that trembles not,
Repeats its oft played game,
And in the need is lost,
Control once more to claim.

A heart speeds up its beat,
As crimson rivers run.
The battle now complete.
Emotions overcome.

A slow exhale of breath,
As mind begins to slow,
And recognises Death,
Has come to take her home.

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  • 9 years ago

    by Baby Rainbow

    A swift intake of air,
    Then draws the willing blade,
    Across skin pale and fair,
    Blossoms of blood displayed.

    - eerie opening, mysterious and leads the reader's mind into turmoil to find out where the poem will go. I think the breath of air was a good opening line, really emphasising the state of mind of this character.

    A hand that trembles not,
    Repeats its oft played game,
    And in the need is lost,
    Control once more to claim.

    - I can totally understand this stanza, and the need for control, even though it is an in depth control we never truly have. This stanza also shows history of the behaviour from the character.

    A heart speeds up its beat,
    As crimson rivers run.
    The battle now complete.
    Emotions overcome.

    - this stanza had a nice flow to it. Strong imagery and explains what the process means for the character. Releasing the emotional pain through physical pain.

    A slow exhale of breath,
    As mind begins to slow,
    And recognises death,
    Has come to take her home.

    - Was not expecting this ending, but I think it works well, short and blunt. I also like how you bring it back to the breathing, and this time you are exhaling! Everything that has sped up is now slowing down.

    Such a sad poem of a desperate time, with helpless emotions, but you have worded it well, and picked an interesting and unique title.