Am I Really??

by Jules   Jun 10, 2015


I wake up every morning and lay in my bed and pray to god and ask god why am i so worthless? why am i so useless?why am i so ugly? Why am i so stupid? Why does my mom forsake me? Why do i feel this way about myself? is it because i so hurt deep down inside because all the damage my mom has done to me or how much she cares more about the drug then she does her kids?I tired and weak all i want is to be happy for once in my life and my mom has to put me out there as her worthless kid that is going nowhere in life, there is a lot more to the story but i rather not talk about it because it just makes me sick to my stomach and now i don't have to worry because i have a mom and her name is Patricia and a dad named Carl and they actually care about me and they told me they would always be right by my side no matter what time or what day they will always be right there to comfort and love me for who i am not for the Jules that is behind a mask faking a smile because of what people think of her or what they say of me or whatever it might be that they may say about me and also because i am their favorite daughter. Then when i go home from church there is my real dad loves me and i am my dads favorite because not only do i do like everything for him but i am one of his kids that he knows will do something with my life not say i am and not do it and i know it's easier said than done but if say say something stick with it. I am so unhappy when people like my own family puts me out to be a fake, worthless, useless, ugly, stupid,and more but i have got so use to it that i just so overwhelmed with all of it and done trying to make people happy and show them that i love them but i have to work on my walk with Christ and that i am going to be who god called me to be.Thanks to my mom(Patricia) and My dad (Carl) i learned that i should have to worry about what people say or think of me just to avoid it because that's not what i am school for i am at school to learn and get my education and i go to church not for drama but to learn more about my savior Jesus Christ and my walk with him. I wanna be a follower of god but a leader and example for the younger children in this world so they can be like me and follow Jesus Christ.I so many people at Hosanna City Church that love and care for me and sometimes i just don't feel like they do and when i do i just pray and ask god to forgive me and he tells me i forgive you and I love you.My Aunt Rita is very sick and i am just really scared because my dad said that he thinks she has want my uncle had he died from what ever it was and now my aunt is going to die and she is one of my best aunts in the whole world and i going to miss her but if she does then i know where she is going she going to heaven with our daddy. I miss my Nana and Papa R.I.P to both of you i hope that right now you are looking down at me saying good things and when i do something wrong that you would just give me sign to what you're trying to tell me and i will listen promise you but i will never replace you in a million years and i hope you know that i love you guys more than you can imagine i do. Sometimes run in the closet in my room and cry until i can't cry anymore and that's when everyone starts calling my name and looking for me and that's when i come out and they yell at me even more because they make me cry even more but i wanna be with my dad all day then i am fine but i can't take all this pain and sorrow.Then when i go to bed i feel even worst i think about the real reason why my mom doesn't care about me. I don't wanna be taken from my dad he's the best thing that has ever happen to me, he went to court to fight for us and we went home with him September 18,2013. I just feel like we might get took from my dad and i dint want to get taken from him.

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