My Death Will You Release

Hello Cassie,

I have just read your work twice now and would like to read it, carefully for a third...

Watch,
^
Allowing a single word to capture a reader for more than a beat is elegant. Like, putting a spot light on a person. The fact that this word is the first use of the initial breath is powerful and memorable.

as in my eyes the light
begins to fail..
^
At first I though I had read the word 'fall', but no, it read 'fail' I like this as it meant this word meant more. To fall, is to fail and yet both words are symbolic.

.. and darkness edges in
around the once bright soul that
dwelled within this hopeless breast.
^
I felt sadness as I realised that this failure is causing the ultimate price - death! I like how you have expressed the last moments. The dark pulling in around the light, like a shroud being drawn up over a corpse. Only this corpse is dying of a broken, hopeless heart, perhaps?

Mourn,
^
Great word, and one worth pondering. After a loss we do this. We think about what once was, what could have been.

as skin cools whilst the blood
stops pulsing through these veins
and arteries, to pool and thicken
'neath the body still and stiff upon
the fallow ground beneath.
^
Great imagery, the skin temperature falling, failing even. The image though sad of a stiffening body with congealed blood.
Fallowed - this word gives depth and brings a biblical meaning to it. "Break up your fallow ground, for it is time to seek the Lord until He comes to rain righteousness on you... " Hosea 10:12

Regret,
^
After the mourning, there comes regret and questions.

the lies and wishes never
brought to light but banished
'neath propriety and ingrained
dreams of what should pass
as love yet never came to be.
^
I like to opposing lies and wishes, all hidden under layers of perceived conformity of accepted morals. Do we not all wish to conform, yet sometimes fail to reach such high social standards?

Lose,
Finally, to lose, to accept our loss is the hardest lesson of all.
the twin to your own heart
^ I like how you have described as hearts being twins. A relationship born of blood and the hardest to sever, but here it is just that which makes it so sad.

that beat within this mortal frame
for you alone,
^
Loyalty, only one love with no other needed, ever.
.. yet did not meet
its mate within the confines
of your prejudicial love.
^
True love cannot be when the others is closed to it. Hearts need to be free and ready to accept love. A love that damages another through insecurity is a love that is stifled and will, if not purified only seek death.

Well done on this work. It tells a sad tale and one that will ring true for many.

Take care,

Michael

What a fabulous, moving poem, Cassie! Beautifully written and the last stanza is superb. I love the way you have broken the poem up into four parts with those single words.