Why?

by Jay Colon   Aug 22, 2015


I don't understand
We just had this discussion
You even said it yourself
It's not fair to you

Why do it?
why do it again?

Can't even respond to a text
But this is someone who claims to love me
How can you love me if you're not positive of being with me?
How can you love me if you act like I don't exist
Like you don't give two shits

I gave you my whole being
All the way to the core
I put myself out there
Then you rip my heart out

Without touching me

Then you said it was never intentional
From the way it looks
This was always your intentions
Since it happened more then once

Multiple times

You text me first
you tell me you love me
We see each other
We exchange words

Supposedly you're happy with me
You get a feeling
You can't explain
We're all over each other

You tell me all these good things
Giving me hope
So I make time
I make you a priority

My world in one picture
All I had to say was YOU
You were the masterpiece
All that I wanted

Then once again

We're back to being enemies
I don't hear from you
Not a single text

I cry myself to sleep
Still no word from you
I hear my heart breaking
Still I love you

Everything happening at once
Cops being inappropriate
You acting cold

Saying it's your life situations
But your life has not changed since I met you
But you have changed

I don't understand
We had this discussion
You even said it yourself
It's not fair to you

So tell me
Why do it again?

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Latest Comments

  • 8 years ago

    by Ben Pickard

    That's fine - it will all come, just enjoy the learning curve. Write primarily what you feel - that's the essence of a good poem - then worry about the gloss after!
    Take care

    • 8 years ago

      by Jay Colon

      Thank you and ok will do

  • 8 years ago

    by Jay Colon

    Thank you, I would try but I'm not very good with grammar which is why I'm still learning how to use punctuation and marks

  • 8 years ago

    by Ben Pickard

    I can certainly appreciate the idea of punctuation throughout this piece but the fact that you haven't actually adds a unique flavour to this, in my opinion. In fact, the only punctuation used are the question marks, which further emphasises the exasperated feelings that are so well expressed: because they are the only punctuation used, weight is added to them.
    All in all, I found this a very effective and emotional piece, full of originality and honesty.
    Well done - an excellently penned poem.
    Take care,
    Ben

    • 8 years ago

      by Jay Colon

      Thank you so much that means alot

  • 8 years ago

    by Mr. Darcy

    Hi Jay,

    Great to see that you have posted this poem.

    Let's go through it...

    I don't understand
    We just had this discussion
    You even said it yourself
    It's not fair to you
    ^
    A good introduction and the kind of intriguing one that makes any reader want to read on...
    My only critique would be to add what he said into speech marks "" and an explanation mark.

    Why do it?
    why do it again?
    ^
    I like this - two lines, expressing the same question, but with more emphasis in the second line, like he is shouting! Very good.

    Can't even respond to a text
    ^
    Here I would be inclined to add speech marks and an explanation mark! By all means keep this line separate as I feel this adds tension.

    But this is someone who claims to love me
    ^
    Here I might add this - don't they?

    How can you love me if you're not positive of being with me?
    ^
    I like this good dialogue.

    How can you love me if you act like I don't exist
    Like you don't give two shits
    ^
    Maybe I am prudish - but, I think you could substitute 'shits' for 'damns' - Obviously completely up to you. :o)

    I gave you my whole being
    ^
    You may want to add a '-' after 'being' to link to the second line?
    All the way to the core
    ^
    Full stop after 'core'

    I put myself out there
    Then you rip my heart out
    ^
    Add the necessary punctuation in these two lines.

    Without touching me
    ^
    I like this line out on its own. It kind of spells out how powerful his words reacted on you.

    Then you said it was never intentional
    From the way it looks
    This was always your intentions
    Since it happened more then once
    ^
    'more than once' slight typo.

    Multiple times
    ^
    Again, out on its own. Good affect.

    You text me first
    you tell me you love me
    We see each other
    We exchange words
    ^
    A nice short stanza showing the game that is played between the couple.

    Supposedly you're happy with me
    You get a feeling
    You can't explain
    We're all over each other
    ^
    Like a see saw this relationship ebbs and flows like the tide. I might add this word on its own 'again!' this would highlight the turbulent relationship and passage of time.

    You tell me all these good things
    Giving me hope
    So I make time
    I make you a priority
    ^
    This reader sees the sadness here. A lie being spun and the fly (you) being reeled in.

    My world in one picture
    All I had to say was YOU
    You were the masterpiece
    All that I wanted
    ^
    More sadness - this verse shows the devotion that is clearly mislaid.

    Then once again
    ^
    Very good.

    We're back to being enemies
    I don't hear from you
    Not a single text
    ^
    I can relate to this. Hanging on a person's every word, or in this case ever text.

    I cry myself to sleep
    Still no word from you
    I hear my heart breaking
    ^
    I like this imagery.

    Still I love you

    Everything happening at once
    Cops being inappropriate
    ^
    Is 'cops' a typo?
    You acting cold

    Saying it's your life situations
    But your life has not changed since I met you
    But you have changed
    ^
    The writing is on the wall, but it takes time to realise the only outcome sometimes.

    I don't understand
    We had this discussion
    You even said it yourself
    It's not fair to you
    ^
    Again, use speech marks.

    So tell me
    Why do it again?
    ^
    I really like the end. This poem takes the reader through this obviously painful and 'up and down' relationship. Ending it in a way that leaves the reader with a rhetorical question is perfect.

    This format is in my opinion much better that one long block of text that many would give up on. So, this is a good start. Keep writing and I will keep on commenting. One last tip - try using metaphors - you will see a few examples in my comments.

    Take care,

    Michael