Dying First

While you starve your soul
I drink mine away.
Will I be the winner?
of this hellish contest
to disappear first?
All my life, and all my days
I drown out feeling,
inside a liquor cage,
a cutting rage,
a starving phase,
an abusive sexual haze.
Drowning out. . .
just to save your wasting heart.
Cut us to pieces for promises
without renewal,
without that power to last,
the hope destroyed by the past.

Cut it.
Cut it away.
I am your superhuman
Healer of them all
Armed with an intoxicated lullaby
To spur my broken on.
To heal until I die.
Until all of me wastes
to a place beyond repair;
I am here
to hold your fast,
to keep you at bay
from joining me
in the drunk song
of this
my eulogy.